Sunday 03 June 2012

You have to remember this about the queen: if you give someone a piece of paper with her picture on you get stuff. Have you tried drawing your face on a piece of paper adding the word ‘ten pounds’ and then paying for a taxi home with it? It doesn’t wash with taxi drivers. Or people behind the counter in Bargain Booze. You have to give someone respect who INSISTS that her face is part of cash transactions. Every man who has ever paid a prostitute to be tied to a bed and pissed on has done so with the cooperation of Her Majesty’s face; just like the transaction between the very same prostitute and her drug dealer when she buys a speedball to get her to escape her life for a few hours.

There were some people who spent a lot of the weekend writing on Twitter how much they abhorred everything the jubilee celebrations stood for. Given the choice of being perpetually negative about something or part of a group enjoying itself I know which a normal person should be part of. This is the bit of my argument falls down a little bit (it doesn’t really: it’s just where my appearance as a functioning adult with emotional security falls down heavily) because I don’t really want to be part of a big group having a good time. I don’t want to be having a mundane conversation with people about things that we are talking about because we have nothing in common to have an interesting conversation about. But I want most people to be like that. (Or else what are we fighting for?)

I can put up with a lot on Twitter; I only just stopped following Ricky Gervais and he has been annoying me for about 6 months. But, I had to stop following an account called Surreal Football because of constant storms of (sometimes not even accurate) tirades against the monarchy. I am not even pro-royal. To annoy someone already on your side means you might be doing something wrong. But this is why we have free speech and Twitter doesn’t force you to follow people.

I will probably go back in a week or so when the European Championship starts. There were clearly other people getting bored by the stream of tweets. “Just unfollow if you don’t like what I am saying” is the standard and (seemingly) common sense stance of people being criticised. While I would never say what someone should do about something as trivial as twittering, I would say people follow a certain account setting itself up as being about something and then at some point bring something else all over it and then wonder why people are bored. I started following you for interesting thoughts on football/events in Manchester/politics and that’s what you sold yourselves as and now you are filling my feed with infinite texts about the Queen/pictures of a baby/pictures of some cakes your husband made. In short, people found one facet of your person interesting: not everything about you, create a personal account if you want don’t have a misrepresented brand/company name.

There was a lot of negativity in the air though. Lots of horseshit being talked about money spent on The Queen. (This is like my blog from the other day; well my life is a lot like the other day and this blog: dull and too fucking long to be interesting.) I wouldn’t mind but do people really think that this was all about The Queen? Yes, I mean if we are being very literal and looking at the BBC coverage then it would have us believe we all love HRH so much that everyone had to be a part of her day. It’s not that though; People just want to be a part of anything. Humans love a crowd – and they like to behave as one. Yes, people were all wearing union flags and wearing masks of QE2 but, really, they might as well have been doing anything: they just wanted to belong, to smile, to enjoy themselves freely.

Life is being sat on buses/trams/tubes/whatever with earphones in, reading books and avoiding eye contact. What is wrong with just wanting to stand in the rain with some people in similar clothes and wave a small, plastic flag shouting at some old woman, who is getting a ride on a boat because she hasn’t been sacked for 60 years?

Maybe a bit. But as long as it’s only every now and then is it really that terrible?

Here’s a picture what I drawed of the queen,

Jubilee In Life (After Love?) by Philip Bridgehouse aged 33 11/12

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