Monday 04 June 2012

Ha! What an idiot. Today overheard a man revealing that he had just discovered that the design of the Union Flag (Jack, whatever – the boat thing is a fallacy) is just the St George’s Cross, the St Andrew’s Cross and St Patrick’s Cross all put together. How did he not know this? How could he have not noticed this? He wasn’t very young – his morbid obesity weren’t doing him any favours and he was far from average looking, he was – at best – 4/10. But he looked about 37. How do you get to that age and not realise this blindingly obvious flag-based fact? To make matter even worse – can it be any worse than not having a basic working knowledge of flag history? – rather than just admit his shortcomings he was definitely going to write a blog entry where he put the mistake down to some random person he has overheard talking, rather than admit it was his own, flag-stupidity. Loser.

Don’t know why the St David’s doesn’t get a look in, maybe because the Welsh are fucking idiots?

“Let’s design a flag to commemorate this fusion of unions.”

“you mean the union where you conquered and colonised us?”

“Listen we can either talk about that …AGAIN…or get on with designing this flag.”

“Why even ask us? You’re just going to do what you want to do you want…again.”

“Well…I’m just trying to give you input, let you feel like you are a part of this – people are more likely to respect this flag if you feel you’ve had some ownership of the task creation.  Now what words do we want this flag to make us feel? Everyone take one of these pieces of paper in the shape of a cloud and write TWO – no more – words on them and pin them to the wall”

“This feels a little bit like bullshit..the Welsh guy has fucked off anyway: he had to go to choir practice and then play rugby with sheep or something.”

“Hey, that’s a bit racist.”

“The Welsh are not a race..but they are just things he is doing. This is hundreds of years before this any negative stereotype of the Welsh as a nation of small, steady, proud-jawed aficionados of choral activity, rugby playing. And the fucking of sheep.”

“Right you’re boring the fuck out of me – shall we just put all three flags together?”

“See, I told you we’d just end up doing what you wanted to do…”

“Yeah but this could not be fairer.”

“No…yeah…I…I just..feel…no it doesn’t matter.”

“Are you sure? Because I don’t want this bottled up as some festering symptom of inadequacy.”
“Wow I just discovered if you press shift and enter you get a single line spacing instead of double…no, yeah – whatever, it looks good. I feel bad we haven’t included the Welsh one a bit.”

“Yeah, me too. Really fucking gutted for him. But it’s yellow and black it really doesn’t fit in with what we’ve got going on here….and decisions are made by those that turn up.”

“You get that off West Wing?”

“Yeah I get all the clever stuff I say from American dramas. They do some really good stuff.”

“Yeah I download loads of their HBO shows…shall we go for a pint?”

“Yeah that sounds like a right laugh…I think Carlo Sax is doing a set, he’s brilliant.”

“Carlo Sax!? Brilliant – he’s me fave sax playing singer…anyway I’ll go and shout us a couple of flagons in.”

“Flagons? Oh yeah we’re ages away from pints aren’t we? Right Paddy, I’ll just leave you to name this – don’t give it some stupid name.”

An early picture of the blossoming romance between HRH QE2 and Phil The Greek Racist

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