Tuesday 10 September 2013

It would be incorrect to describe a recent experience as counselling. Because it wasn’t counselling – it was a session with a Management Development consultant. It felt a little bit like counselling and I’ve been told you can’t argue with a feeling. I was surprised to learn how I was mainly motivated by happiness. Well the absence of unhappiness anyway.

I honestly thought this was a bit of a revelation; I think for a second I got slightly emotional at this revelation. Wow all I want is to be happy, I thought. Great fucking insight dipshit as that isn’t what everyone wants or anything. Before everyone agrees with me being a dipshit, lets be a little fair to me: I said that I’d rather be happy than wealthy when pushed. I’d really, really, really rather be happy AND rich than happy and not rich.

Other than the revelation that I like being happy, the main thing I was told was that I control most things in my own life (which I don’t agree with) and that I am NOT better than most people which I both agree with strongly and disagree with vehemently. I don’t want to think I am better than my fellow human being, I am a socialist and agree with equality etc.

But when I see OTHER PEOPLE it’s hard not to feel some sense of superiority. My counsellorĀ  management development consultant told me that other people are just different and she didn’t think I really thought I was better than other people. When I am on holiday and I am surrounded by horrible British people with faces of twisted rage at everything not being basically England – but with the sun – I definitely think I am better than them.

When I talk to most people I generally experience some sense of disappointment with them. Sure sometimes it is just mild concern at the way they haven’t grasped a concept or something mild. But sometimes I do wish they were dead – because they haven’t grasped a concept or something mild (eg don’t say always and then add a caveat, it’s not always if there is an exception).

I’m not the kind of person to think I get nothing out of things, and this wasn’t even a situation where I would be thinking I got nothing out of it. I mean who doesn’t like talking about me for a couple of hours? I’ll tell you something for nothing: the answer to that question isn’t me (I mean I love talking about me).

Though it wasn’t therapy/counselling I could see bits where it seemed more like that than a management development meeting. I wouldn’t know because I have not had therapy or counselling. It felt a little bit like part-intellectual-part-lyrical prostitution. I liked it.

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