Sunday 01 September 2013

There are two strands of TV that prove popular in different areas of the gamut of programming: wildlife and practical joking on unsuspecting victims. I confidently predict the next major TV phenomenon will be a combination of these two shows.

You seem to need convincing.

Let me give you an example. A small group of lions are seen slowly approaching several glazing wildebeest. We’ve seen this before, right? The lions run after the wildebeest before punching them with their open mouths and eating their torso. In this scenario though the wildebeest would actually be balloons filled with paint – balloons that make a very loud bang when burst (filled with paint). Very convincing wildebeest resembling balloons that burst with a very loud bang filled with paint.

So when the lions pounce there is a massive bang and then an explosion of (probably yellow) paint. The lions would shit themselves (and then be covered in yellow paint). It would be brilliant. I am laughing just typing it.

I’m prepared to give one more example – but that has to be the limit because someone might steal this idea. We see a bird of prey, a kestrel? A pigeon? (I’m not a wildlife expert). It looks fucking impressive that’s for sure. On the ground is something it’s after killing. Let’s say it’s a badger or maybe a shire poney. Anyway the kestrel/pigeon/vulture swoops into the badger/shire pony, it’s going really quickly and its plan is to smash into the prey. Only there’s a clean sheet of glass in front of the badger/pony and the kestrel/vulture flys bang into it, knocking itself clean out. Perhaps even dying. Lolz-squared eh? (This one would also work with a weasel attacking a field mouse.)

Anyone interested in Animal’s in Pranks (title negotiable) should put in an offer with my agent and we’ll talk numbers. No time wasters.

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