Wednesday 10 July 2013

Here’s a quick lesson in photoshopping something. ( I don’t use Photoshop I use something called Gimp but let’s not fact ourselves to death.)

Let’s look at a picture taken today on the Manchester United Tour I went on FOR MY BIRTHDAY (subtle reference? cards received from non-immediate family/partner? One, from the people I manage at work ; the irony of that is that they all fucking hate me – which I can’t blame them for).

DSC00522As you can see there is a problem with the lighting – you can still make some of my facial features out!! LOLZ, yes the problem is that you can’t make me out at all so it’s just a shadowy figure getting in the way of a picture of a football stand. And while we can’t always blame the photographer it is worth pointing out that seconds earlier I had taken a picture of uy partner in almost exactly the same position and managed not to have her shrouded in darkness.

Perhaps I could mess about with the brightness etc and sort it out….

???????????????????????????????And it has made it better – to a degree. But in order to make me less dark the overall picture has got a washed out feel to it. Also being able to make out my face has definitely made the picture worse. Now, someone looking at the picture is wondering why the most miserable man on earth is a cunt. So, can we take a picture me here:

DSC00554mk1

elsewhere and put this in place of miserable one?

???????????????????????????????And, yes, we have managed partial success. The background no longer looks washed out and you can see my face and my face is not really miserable. Just normally miserable/ugly. But the dark & miserable me is still looming. Perhaps an alternate image of me?

???????????????????????????????And the alternate image is very good – to a degree. I definitely don’t look dark; I am definitely nearly smiling; You can see my beautiful arse. But there is something every so slightly forced about it. I can’t quite put my finger on why…but I have to admit this doesn’t work as well. And then it hit me: I needed to offer the picture the force of me in reality. There may be literally one of me but I am a force of nature – and a schizo. Why not represent that in the picture?

And so I give you the final (VERY SUBTLY) edited picture that gets rid of the darkness issue:

multiphil

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