Wednesday 02 January 2013

Back to Work

Being off three weeks is all well and good. In fact it’s tremendous. But they say every extended period off work has a day where you have to back to work – and I found that metaphor particularly relevant today. More relevant than the day when I realised the silver linings around clouds contained a cloud.

Super Dry

I had an email from a colleague saying she was doing this dryathlon thing. This is not drinking in January and get sponsored for it. Yes, not drinking alcohol for four weeks is this months equivalent of not shaving your uppper lip. And they can’t even be bothered to come up with a slightly non-sense-making pun on the month’s name.

May I suggest:

  • Non-beer-uary.
  • Teaetotaluary.
  • Or the Opposite-of-George-Bestuary?

The rationale on the email encouraging us to sponsor her was that we could donate the money we would have spent buying her a drink on sponsoring her. I don’t drink with her. Or socialise with her at all  – does this mean that I am not meant to donate anything? And if I did donate does this mean she owes me the price of a pint as I am not taking part in Abstinenceuary?

Alternatively people could just trying to fuck off making out like they are making some effort in offer to raise money for charity when they aren’t really. She is raising money for Cancer Research. That is enough for me to donate some money. If she was doing something like running a marathon or darning an entire army’s worth of soldier clothes out of tea bags then I would double the donation in recognition of her extreme effort in the cause.

Not drinking for a few weeks is not an extreme effort. And not something I would want drawing attention to it if I was considering it a real effort. What is next? Please could you sponsor me because next month I will be pausing slightly before saying hello when people say hello to me. Please donate to my page on

Mirandanother Thing

I really want to like Miranda. I feel a bit condescending saying that about a TV programme. But, yeah, I do really want to like it because of all the pathetic wankers who say it isn’t funny because it is written by a woman. Or it is ‘female humour’.

I don’t think it is funny because it make me cringe watching it. I don’t really like broad, family humour on BBC1.  I don’t like jokes being telegraphed, punchlines being obvious or over the top performances by the actors. I also don’t particularly like slapstick humour – especially when not only does the character end up with, for example, water being poured over the person’s head but they sit their spluttering, mugging up rather than getting out of the water pouring on them.

Miranda kind of does all of that. And when I say kind of does it I mean it does it. Careful not to be accused of judging something without watching it, I watched it this week. And I really thought it was a poor show. The jokes were bad, the story weak and all the performances annoyed me.

If I were to be frank I would say that there was a couple of moments where I half-smiled. There was a little joke about not wanting to be single because going to the cinema is really difficult on your own as you have no-one to hold your popcorn when you go to the toilet – it even had a bit of visual comedy that worked with a hand dryer blowing popcorn everywhere. Oh and I like the running joke of her Mum saying “it’s what I would call…..” before using a ubiquitous phrase that everybody uses (and there are no real alternatives for). Then there was the start of what might have been a good joke about the complications of working out parallel cooking times when you have loads of thing to cook at the same time. But other than that I was left feeling a bit sad that this is so popular.

Not that sad, though. Each to their own. As long as people are OK about me saying why I think it is quite weak then I am fine with people telling me how good it is/why they like it. People like Mrs Brown’s Boys for fuck’s sake.

There was some real venom about Miranda on the comments to this article. And, to be fair, some equally pompous comments from the pro-Miranda lobby. Why can’t people just accept that they have different tastes? Being able to discuss and even disagree about what you like is one thing but people just saying it is a bad programme because it is by woman; or people saying people who don’t like it because they are trying to be cool, are idiots.

I couldn’t give  a fuck what people about me based on what I like. I just don’t think Miranda is very good. I do love Stewart Lee. I think Mrs Brown’s Boys is hell. I think Michael McIntyre isn’t very funny. I do love The League of Gentlemen. I hated Gimme Gimme Gimme. I think Steve Coogan is a god. I love Russell Brand. I love Vic and Bob. I don’t really get why John Bishop is selling out arenas.

The people I do like are people I actually like. I don’t like someone because The Guardian – or any other publication tells me to. But I don’t get the idea of telling other people to like something – or criticising them for not liking something. I will tell people to give things a chance, “Have you seen Human Remains?” I might ask someone on finding out they like Rob  Brydon on a panel show. That kind of thing.

Fuck knows what my point is here, internet forums and chat rooms are full of self-important pricks. That’s a fucking bombshell.

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