Friday 11 November 2011

Eleven Eleven Eleven

I kind of effed up the two-minutes of silence. It wasn’t really my fault: I was already talking when the PA system at work announced it was about to start so didn’t hear it say that it was about to start (thinking that it was just the usual – namely some person being summoned to ring some extension). My head hadn’t put two and two together.

Being magnificently fair to me I wasn’t saying anything that could be seen as disrespectful. I was talking about how one of my lifelong ambitions is to get in to some verbal beef with a gang and the gang being all “we got a problem?” and me being all like “I don’t know do we have a problem?” and them being all like “We got a problem?” and me being like “You starting a problem” and then one of them going “you the one with the problem hombre” and me going “Oh really? How about this for a problem?” and then lifting up my shirt/hoody (probably more likely to be a hoody)/coat to reveal a large silver handgun tucked in to the top of my slacks. Then they would be all like “fuck man, he’s loaded” and start to run away shouting things like “we’ll be back for you mother fucker” and “we’ll smoke your white ass hombre” even though they are white (I wouldn’t ever front a brother). Or at least Mexican – which to my mind is still white, a dirty white yes: but a white none-the-less. Me? I’d just be high-fiving my crew, who would be all like “You punkd those mofos FizzB (my street handle)”. At least six hoes looking on would become sexually aroused and wish they could get in my slacks.

I am not pathetic enough to have an issue with armisitice day/remembrance day. Ok, I am. Well I have issues – but not problems. If I had problems I would be pathetic, but issues just makes me thoughtful. Most definitely.

Well for starters the remembering bit. Are people actually supposed to remember stuff? Because, although it is meant to be all death in conflict since WW1 (the only start of a franchise that has a one) that people are remembering, we all know that it is really the ones in WW1 and WW2 people really think about. And that’s just it – they think about it because most people are too young to remember it. And of course, in a painful irony, many of those old enough to remember are cruelly robbed of that faculty by the onslught of dememtia and other mental illnesses. Most people are just thinking of Saving Private Ryan or Band of Brothers – not remembering.

I also don’t like being told when to do stuff. Just because ‘everyone’ is ‘remembering’ at 11 o’clock I don’t see why I should. Apart from anything else I genuinely remember/think about people dying for their country at least 10 minutes over the year: often more (depending on how many war films I have watched in that calendar year). So, if people are only doing it in that two minutes of silence I am at least five times better than them yet I am the one being depicted as the oaf for going on about a fantasy with a hand gun?

A National Disgrace

Only two days after the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Centre (and the other ones that get brushed aside) I was disgusted to see that Natwest Bank, in the University Precinct on Oxford Road seems to be some kind of commemoration to the mad bastards who flew an aeroplane in to the twin towers. I’d like to see the big wigs at ‘the bank that likes to say yes’ explain this one without COMPLETELY legitimizing all terrorist activity that has EVER happened. In fact YOU (reader), if you bank with Natwest you probably paid for the very flying lessons the terrorists took – before gaining, illegal, control of two passenger jets and reared AWFULLY off course and in to airspace THAT wasn’t ratified by the FAA and straight in to two massive houses of people and innocent computers. You should feel ashamed*.

Is this what Bin Laden died for?

*Unless you are an Islamic (or any other kind of) fundamentalist who believes Western democracy should be destroyed – then you should probably feel quite proud.

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