There is a degree of tension between wanting a baby to go to sleep and then not being able to relax until the baby is awake again.
Even when Woodrow is asleep on my chest I still get a bit paranoid about his breathing, so I do an extra deep breath to ‘stimulate’ him. That’s fine and I don’t feel too bad about doing that. He’s on me after all so I can soothe him if it wakes him up.
The guilt that is a bit less easy to shoo is the one where he’s asleep but because he’s tiny you can’t tell. So I find myself nudging him to check he’s OK. It’s a bit mean really. But the best of intentions are there.
The one that’s a bit worse. The one where you’re a bit bored/just fancy a squeeze but he’s asleep so I pretty much wake him up because I am bored – the nicer way of saying this is that I miss him. A clinical interpretation is that an adult man is waking up a 4-week old to make himself happier rather than to do the infant any good.
Repeat to fade.