I had the misfortune of not being arsed to turn over the TV tonight when All Star Mr and Mrs  was on ITV tonight.

What a depressing TV show. Not the content: the content is poor, no doubt. But depressing because it’s on television. Someone has made the decision that this should be made. And broadcast. Would the world be a worse place if the person who decided to commission this pile of piss was thrown off a large step.

The first contestant was one of the loose women. She seemed less interested in her husband than I am. In fact even he wasn’t that interested in own existence.

But then it was the woman who was Marlene in Only Fools and Horses and her husband. And you know how the show is about how a couple know each other and all that kind of palava? Well they kind of did this with the woman who was from Only Fools and Horses – but it was all done through the filter of a Del Boy impersonator. A bad Del Boy impersonator.

So, instead of “What would your husband say if you got too drunk at a party?” it was a case of “Which of Del Boy’s reactions to Marlene getting too drunk at a party for Trigger’s Aunt?”

Then the bad Del Boy impersonator said sentences that said something leading up to the word plonker. Or lovely jubbly. Or perfick – because he also did Pop Larkin and was getting on a bit and was confused under the studio lights.

I don’t know how you win or if they won. I stopped watching.