The baby makes some noises. He’s not devoid of noises. Crying. Crying is a noise and he makes that sometimes. He sneezes.

This morning we are sat around adoring him and he makes a few noises that are like noises as in the the noises we make with our mouths to form words and such. He wasn’t conveying meaning, I want to make it clear that I am not implying the 5-week-old was trying to say something. But he made some fucking noises that were a human discovering a voice.

We didn’t cry at all – certainly not before or after the crying. Why does everything make me cry with this kid? At least it is getting less frequent now – and I can do the “please don’t take my sunshine away” line of You Are My Sunshine without a mild sob.

Later on I decided to try and make an online Sainsburys shop levelling out at £50 a £100 shop.  And people would describe me as someone liable to waste money achieving something that really is best described as a failure.

It’s the kind of challenge that your millions of oppressed world citizens just wouldn’t be able to empathise with and yet people ask me to donate money to charity to help them. Why am I supposed to want to help people who are so selfish?

I made that £100. And I am pretty proud of myself.