Where do you start with an entry for a day like this? What was the highlight?
Was it getting retweeted by Graham Linehan AND Dave Lamb from the voice of Come Dine with Me voice?
Was it finding the way to effectively lose £100 betting on horses running with small men on their backs?
Was it going and drinking pissbooze and doing exactly what boozed up parents do even though I swore I wouldn’t be that pisspot parent?
It was perhaps the steak bake I had from Greggs. Well probably not.
The lowlight was the speed with which I abandoned any notion of not smoking with my drinking. Not smoking is generally a piece of piss for me. I fucking love a tab when I’ve had a pint, though. What’s that all about?
That’s the public lowlight. Because I definitely didn’t howl the house down with a headache in the small hours. I definitely didn’t force the mother of a 3-week-old to have to (hey at least say temporarily) care for a tiny baby and an obese adult squirming in his own overexaggerated agony. For this was real pain, none of that childbirth hocum. But it didn’t happen anyway. I am just saying what didn’t happen.