Friday 07 March 2014

Do you ever wonder how addicted some addicts are? Surely the proper addicts are the ones still doing (whatever it is they’re addicted to).

Isn’t a recovering addict someone who used to like doing something too much?

These recovering addicts strike me as attention seekers. If you’ve stopped doing something bad it is fair enough that you get some hearty handshakes and pats on the back. Not that you get any praise for not doing it in the first place, oh no – all the dull people don’t get any praises for not downing a bottle of brandy for breakfast. But down a bottle of brandy for breakfast for a few years and then stop and people will fall over themselves to praise you for your bravery.

Yes, it’s OK to praise someone for giving up destroying themselves. But why do we have to go on and on praising them? “I’ve not had a drink for 10 years now.” And? Didn’t I congratulate you for the first month when you really wanted a drink loads? Why am I still congratulating you?

People make out that I am an ass because I can force gratitude out of people. But what about these guys? I’ll tell you what they are addicted to: being praised for not doing bad things.

If they really want some more heroin then surely they would just get some and throw it in their arm. And by not doing it they have proved that it’s not that hard to not do it and therefore should stop banging on about it.

Did you even see Russell Brand smacked up? I’ve only got his word for it. This could all be a big bloody charade so he can tell Jeremy Paxman he knows more about society’s ills.

I’m just saying: he supposedly was banging up heroin for fun when he was poor and now he’s a millionaire he’s not? Surely he’d be smacked out of his balls twenty-four/seven; something doesn’t add up: someone’s telling porkies or heroin isn’t as good as everyone says it is.

Yes, this is purposefully ignorant. Yes, I do accept addiction as a serious thing: I’ve hardly smoked for 4 months so I think I know what I’m talking about here.

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