Thursday 13 February 2014

Come on – some of these tweets deserve more than nothing. Do people go on reality TV just so their tweets favourited and retweeted without any merit? Because they seem to achieve this. Yes my works, only describable as genius, get NOTHING.

This first one is properly brilliant. I am properly merking the catastrophic floods and winds that have ruined the midweeks of ‘quite a few’ people. If you’re after some DVD commentary-esque insight: I really did have to shield my eyes from the sun to cross the road this morning.

These are just great puns. Admittedly it is to a restricted audience of people who have heard of some local bus companies AND know the names of food. Still deserving of adding a few more followers – bus perves, that type.

Great, no GREAT media analysis this. If I was a researcher on Charlier Brooker’s Newswipe I would get 93 seconds out of this. That’s about a sixteenth of the show. It was inspired by a news presenter saying a tree blew into a garden and smashed into a man’s car (but not his family). Then the man was shown, saying this in a lot more words but giving exactly NO more information. It was a waste of my ears.

I did get a highly watered down version of what it must be like to be famous on a social network last Saturday when I did a Facebook relating to this baby I’ve nearly got. I made the below statment, that was only as hilarious as a lot of other stati I put out there, and yet it got 29 people were moved emotionally – to the extent they socioemoted liking my words.

Screen Shot 2014-02-14 at 23.48.19But I get nothing for gems like the tweets shown above (that don’t mention an imminent baby). This proves, definitively, that it is irrelevant whether I am funny or not and that it is just mentioning a baby that made people pretend to like me for a few seconds because of something I typed. Fortunately none of those people will be reading this so I can call them out for the massive shits they are. Only joking (you massive shits) I love you all – it is the people who didn’t like that, nor anything else, who are the real massive shits.

Everyone is a massive shit for not watching this though. Surely it should be the most popular video on YouTube by now? But it’s got TWO views. TWO. The man pronounces unlikely is a SLIGHTLY odd way. What more do you want from me? Do I need to be a racist on a fly-on-the-wall documentary about a school in the middle of a village with a high proportion of people on disability benefits?

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