Thursday 06 February 2014

I am trying to get my head around the whole neknominate thing.

I don’t think I am going to manage it as I’ve never got my head around drinking games.

My main point would be: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY DO YOU NEED SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU WANT TO DRINK SOME ALCOHOL? If you don’t want to do it then don’t do it. If you want to do it, then do it.

Don’t do it because you got the series of 25 hand signals the game demands you memorise and then reverse; don’t do it because you’re watching Three and a Half New Girls and Chad has just said his catchphrase, “Cloak m’even go there!!”; don’t do it because someone else has done it on YouTube and then said you have to do it.

Do it because getting pissed up on booze is brilliant.

I don’t care that someone has neknominated themselves paralysed or three South Africans accidentally neknominated a stadium of whiskey and died. But you’re getting drinking wrong. Yes, you are supposed to have too much of it, say things you don’t mean/say things you do mean but don’t say when you’re sober/do things you don’t want to/do things you do want to but don’t do when you’re sober/do anything that is or isn’t the fault of alcohol that you will/won’t blame on booze rightly or wrongly because it is both your fault and not your fault.

You are suppose to have this complex relationship with alcohol and occasionally swear off it – only to drink your own body weight in gin four hours later. But stop letting some stupid trend or game suggest when you do it. You are only winning if you want to drink a can of lager in a supermarket in your smalls. And if you really want to do that just bloody well do it won’t you?

But if you are going to let a hashtag tell you to drink a bottle of vodka in one sip – dressed as Napoleon – then don’t come crying to page 15 of The Metro. Oh wait..people are doing it because they want people to look at them…of course*.

What’s more annoying is that in a few months people will be expecting praise/sponsorship for going 2 weeks without doing a neknominate in Noneknominatevember. And then overdosing on neknominates when the month finishes.

*I did catch on really, that was me being funny.

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