Friday 31 January 2014

If there’s one thing noticing it’s Chinese new year is going to accomplish it’s me using the internet to find out which animal I am.

It’s OK to check which animal the Chinese calendar says you are. It’s not as bad as wondering which sign of the regular zodiac you are because it’s mystical isn’t it? Because it comes from miles away and the language isn’t even done in letters and they eat with some sticks. Let’s have it while we’re on these sticks: your western food eating tools triumvirate are better than that the chopsticks and spoon offering of China. Two of their three are the same for crying out loud.

The spoon is a draw, that’s a given. But knife beats one stick and fork definitely beats stick. They may be going through their industrial revolution and be ready to take over the world at their whim: but the good old knife and fork will never die.

I’m a fucking horse OK? Which I mean is just soooooooo me. The website I looked up my Chinese Year Animal on said that a typical horse wrote an incredibly mediocre daily blog that was so impressed with itself for occasional signs of post-modernism that it almost ate itself when it occurred. I mean it had some accurate stuff as well, horses like good things and appreciate receiving things they like.

Let’s break this down for a moment, though. Let’s actually get serious here. OK I am a chinese year horse, that much is true. But….wait..my name means….LOVER OF HORSES. Yep, no shit. What are the odds?? (Odds…horses?? Eh?) Of course this isn’t the end because I am hung like a

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