Thursday 23 January 2014

***music that has been used for something else so you are familiar with it***

I am talking to someone in their house/office; you’re supposed to see it as very real, perfectly natural. We’ll emphasise that with some camera movement. It’s definitely not a TV show because no-one is acknowledging the camera and it’s real, not a drama.

I ask the other person for their phone and then I appear to kill The Pope with it – forcing it down his mouth. The other person is dumbstruck, they can’t believe their own phone has been used to murder the head of The Catholic Church in their living room/office/shop.

They ask me what have I done. Why have I done murder? They ask.

I try to remain without expression, portraying no remorse. Then quickly I get hold of the dying Pope. I do something where you can’t see that I am pulling something from my coat but there’s….it looks like….it doesn’t look natural let’s just say that. And before you know it The Pope isn’t dead. In fact he’s laughing away, the sod.

The Pope then pulls out his iPhone and puts it to his ear, making a call is he? Who’s The Pope phoning? A phone rings. The person who thought their phone was in a dead Pope’s throat a minute ago looks puzzled…the ringing his coming from their….INSIDE POCKET!?!!

Yes, their phone is clean and safe and not a murder weapon…and the answer it saying hello and The Pope shouts “Flozzawink’d”

The screen goes black and the voiceover says, “Coming soon on one of the channels that’s on Freeview but isn’t one of the good ones..maybe Five at a push… Flozzawink’d is magic without boundaries.”

Then it says Flozzawink’d in white on the black background. And probably the logo for the channel. If it is Channel 5 it’s a number five I think – white on red sounds about right.

Next is an advert for one of the breakfast cereals – what’s clear is that the promo for my magic show is well and truly over.

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