Saturday 18 January 2014

I am not averse to accepting I am the entire authority on everything.

I am also not averse to leaving things a little late in the day. It’s OK I am a fast processor AND good at improvising.

I do accept that improvisation can be a part of rearing young humans. But perhaps it is better that I improvise with someone who understands the rules of improvisation (you don’t disagree – you agree and add). Therefore I was looking into some books on being a parent – and ruling out asking my progeny joining my improv group until she/he is older than twelve (thirteen plus).

Like most things looking for a book on being a parent said some things about people. Books on being a parent seemed OK, they were mainly books about being a parent. I’ve seen some of these in my flat – and I’ve leafed through them. They are not necessarily uniform in their approach. Some even have a joke. But I was looking for something specifically about being a father….

OK. I’m sorry that I am so sexist about this. But before you label me a sexist you have to remember that being a mother is the most amazing thing ever, yeah? So there must be a difference. Let’s fucking face it: there is a difference between men and women. And I just wanted a book about stuff from a perspective that didn’t focus on the role of the woman.

Only men are fucking pricks. And book publishers seem to know this. And every book I saw seemed to be called something shit like The Blokes Guide To Bloking a Baby. Are the televisions of other people still receiving Men Behaving Badly? “Seriously lads, you’re going to have to cut down on going to the pub…only joking, Lesson 1: Wetting the facking baby’s head..”

And these are the ones that pop up in an Amazon search because these are the ones people buy people. Then these people read it and then write reviews that say something like “I laughed so hard at this. Great book.” When all they read was the preface where the author said something about how much babies shit being mental.

So I bought one a review said Prince William had been seen reading. I trust reviews of things that, rather than review an object, describe someone who might have read it.

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