Friday 27 December 2013

Some things I have not yet talked about in my self-important 2013 round-ups

Game of Thrones didn’t get a mention in my TV round-up of the year. George RR Tolkien, the writer, emailed me to ask me what he had done wrong. Nothing, George, I just forgot. GoT continued to be brilliant and I am very sorry for forgetting it. The best episode was the red wedding, you weren’t allowed to talk about it mostly in case someone hadn’t seen it and you ruined it for them. I will not break this vow and so cannot talk about it.

Retirement was derigeur for old men who have spent a good few years having infallible opinions. One was an old man who had used fear to ensure the institute he fronted continued to amass money and was beyond question retired …and then so did the Pope. Yes I am making as many jokes about Sir Alex Ferguson and The Pope could be confused by describing them in vague ways so you might be forgiven for confusing them.

I was more saddened by the departure of Sir Alex Ferguson than I thought I would be. It turns out you can’t just laugh everything off and you can actually get quite upset about things. Who knew?

Thus far it seems like the Catholic Church has made the more successful appointment of old man replacement. To be fair to David Moyes he gets no credit for having 21st century values and accepting homosexuals might also be people. And Pope Frank doesn’t have the disadvantage of following someone doing a good job for a long time.

Book of Mormon was amazing. One of the most entertaining things I have ever seen. I don’t really have much to say about it, but I wasn’t going to do an entire blog about the comedy musicals I had seen this year. Proof if more proof were needed (it’s not) that Trey Parker and Matt Stone are comedy geniuses.

I don’t think Blurred Lines is about sexual assault. At the moment I have as much evidence as the people who say that it is about forcing a woman to have sex. If I go a step further and add the further evidence that the song writers say it isn’t about rape then I have quite a good case about the denial. I just think it’s about a man trying to convince a woman with a husband to fuck him, the singer/character he’s portraying – not her husband. And there’s nowt wrong with that.

I am not defending the video. Saying a song’s lyrics are not about sex crimes does not equate to saying the video of topless women isn’t misogynistic. People love to over simplify such things to make a cheap point.

Another thing. Do not say that Blurred Lines is better than Marvin Gaye’s Got to Give It Upin front of a hipster or someone who collects vintage vinyls or someone who has already decided Blurred Lines is shit/offensive because it’s popular (joke! they are all the same person). You risk being beaten to death, or at least being patronised to the point of extreme boredom. I like Marvin Gaye but that song is shit and it goes nowhere. And the video doesn’t have a load of tits.

*If you missed out, Marvin Gaye’s estate (his family – not a big car) are suing Robin Thicke for ripping off this song to create Blurred Lines.

Prague looks quite nice at Christmas doesn’t it?

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