Monday 23 December 2013

I’m not being funny but I am just about to start typing about how I showed what a great guy I was by buying pizzas for my team when Jack Whitehall started talking about what a great guy he is by buying pizzas at The Big Fat Quiz of The Year 2012 (he was talking on The Big Fat Quiz of The Year 2013*). How’s about that for a jo/coincidence?

If I can just have an aside about Whitehall: I don’t mind him. I think he has some charisma and I particularly enjoy him in Fresh Meat. But if he is the brightest thing in comedy, as his award at The (admittedly shit)British Comedy Awards then perhaps the British comedy scene is as fucked as it appears to be. AND WHY IS HIS FUCKING DAD BEING PUSHED ONTO THE BRITISH PUBLIC? Fuck off Jack Whitehall’s dad, fuck off and remain as unfamous as you were before your son became famous (which I do think involved knowing famous people but so/and/whatevz??).

Back to the pointless story.

To celebrate the last working day of the year – and to make up for the fact that I don’t do cards/presents – I decided to host a Christmas Pizza Quiz for my team. This would incorporate a pizza feast followed by a general knowledge quiz. To ensure that the quiz could get under way as advertised at 12.32 I ordered the pizzas for 12.15.

The Domino’s I ordered them from is very near where I work. I don’t even estimate it’s a few minutes away. Look (below) I have done the route on the (new look) Google Maps. There are two alternative routes offered, one four minutes in duration and one six minutes in duration. Why suggest the six minute route? Why suggest it at all? Why aren’t they suggesting the five minute route that it just a winding version of the four minute route?

Anyway I had to chase Domino’s up three or four times and it ended up being half an hour late. And I had to go looking for the delivery man in the rain. If you have to go and find a delivery person then they are getting their job wrong. By definition. Well, not by definition. They are delivering the thing, just to some place near where you are when you find them and they are lost, apologising (but not offering to give you the 6 extra dips you ordered for free – I ordered extra dips so people who wanted dips weren’t sharing dips, always thinking of others) and giving you pizza though while not cold is clearly not as hot as it would have been had they been able to find the fucking large building with signs identifying itself 4 minutes away from the pizza shop.

[Full disclosure: I was going to pay for all the pizza myself but my colleague Emma ended up paying half, I don’t want to be seen to be taking half of Emma’s credit. If someone is going to see the whole pizza thing as a reason to build a statue of me then you’re going to have to build one for Emma as well.]

If anyone is interested in the quiz you can find most of it here. Yes, yes I did. And an email address. And a blog. Actually I put some of the tweets down at the bottom of the blog.

Screen Shot 2013-12-26 at 18.11.37

*I do get out of kilter when I get quite far behind, yes I’m writing the entry for December 23rd on Boxing Day/St Stephen’s Day (EIRE). That said I wrote the Christmas Day entry on CHRISTMAS DAY. You do the math.

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