Monday 11 November 2013

I get home and check my emails on my phone (if the me from from ten years ago is reading this he probably thought “wow, they did it, those crazy bastards did it; if the me from twenty years ago read this he probably thought, “what the fuck is he talking about?”) and I have received an email to tell me someone has executed order 66…no wait that’s the extermination of the Jedi. I received an email to tell me that someone has paid the buy it now price on my iPad.

There are a couple of emotions that run through a man’s mind at a time like this. The first was ‘maybe the buy it now price was too low’. I always think this when someone pays a buy it now price. Even when I know the money is reasonable. When I sold an Xbox on eBay years ago I practically got the price of a new console (almost literally as I was selling it to get a PS3) yet still thought I should have asked for more when someone paid the buy it now price. And I should, clearly.

Secondly, I thought that this almost certainly meant that I should get a new iPad. I really like the size of the iPad Mini. And the new iPad Air looks great, thinner than a pencil apparently. I definitely need a new iPad. I mean I have just sold an iPad mainly because I don’t use it too much – and I just bought a MacBook. Of course I need a new iPad. You are an idiot for not even thinking I don’t need one. You idiot.

Then I thought about how maybe I should have asked for more money again. I am aware that this is just greed. Not a horrible kind of greed. Really it’s not so much greed as jealousy. I am just jealous of the me in the alternate universe who got £20 more for the iPad. When really I should be thinking of the me in the alternate universe who only just managed the reserve price, the fucking loser.

If I thought it was all new iPads from here on in then I had another thing coming. I can’t get the fucking plug to fit in the iPad box properly. (I am writing this listening to The Beatles and Yesterday has just come on, I am not getting teary eyed thinking of the good times with my iPad. YOU ARE.) How does something so fundamentally straight forward not work easily? There is a set place for the plug to go and it can only go one way. I have the plug in that positions and it still isn’t quite right.

Is it really worth all this effort of putting a plug in a box correctly? Perhaps I should email the woman who won the eBay auction and tell her I’ve dropped the iPad and refund her. That would make sense. Then I could just keep the iPad and not worry about getting it in a box. I would have to get the new iPad Mini as well, mind, I don’t see why I should suffer because I am pretending to have smashed the iPad when really I just want to keep it so I can make a body suit of Apple products.

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