Friday 11 October 2013

It’s fair to say that I spend a reasonable amount of time wondering what some people feel warrants sharing on social media. Rather than pile into them I thought I’d have a look at what utter tripe I come out with; I know not everything I say on Facebook is brilliant – but is it as annoying as what some people are shitting on there?

Monday seems fairly tame. We’re going to have to get posting links to this blog out of the way. Yes, they are shit/this blog is shit/no-one is interested in this blog. There that’s out of the way. Monday evening I post a link to a collection of John Martyn Mp3s that are temporarily ridiculously cheap, £7.50 for 17 CDs worth of Mp3s. I think there’s some public service in that, 17 CDs. The boxset version is £148.76 – admittedly for this you get the box and the discs and a DVD. And it was clearly something Amazon didn’t want out there for that price as it was removed quickly. 1-0 me.

I later post, “It seems like the sex box people should be winning something by sexing in a box.” This isn’t too bad. It’s a poor joke about how the title Sexbox sounds more like a gameshow than a pyschosexual experiment. Call that one a draw.

Tuesday is also not that busy. “I fucking love Peter Higgs,” I announce just after 2pm to no-one in particular. I stand by this, what a fucking brilliant physics bastard. 2-0 me.

My other activity is sharing a link a friend posts showing a BBC video regarding women in the international scheme of things. I’ll not worry about this being judged. 3-0 me.

Wednesday only finds me sharing a picture of the moment I finally received a Phil branded Coke bottle. Definitely newsworthy.

Then I get opinionated by slagging off Gogglebox. I don’t get too annoyed at others sharing opinions, no matter how different from my own because at least it is something other than a statement about nothing or a sharing of something that is only of possible interest to the person writing it. But I don’t like Gogglebox. I find it annoying. There is a small element of it that is charming but mostly it is people saying cliches and/or what everyone thinks when they watch certain things. This is apparently part of its charm – it’s watching normal people. Who gives a shit  about normal people? If I was interested in what normal people had to say I’d just turn around.

Gogglebox is defended by a couple of people. I reply with: “If I wanted to watch some fucking loser who thinks they’re funny and deserves attention I’d put a mirror at the side of my telly.” Which I thought was pretty funny. So fuck you.


There’s always one onion ring that sticks to the oven tray and doesn’t want to turn.

Oh my god….I am the onion ring. Life changing realisation.

I fucking stand by this. 100%, if someone lovable, charming and liked by people had said this it would be on t-shirts by now. Well maybe not t-shirts. I went over the top with t-shirts. But it has a certain charm, part observation on cooking onion rings in an oven; part self-analysis suggesting that the inanimate obstinate onion ring has some shared quality with my own contrary personality. T-shirt was too far. Perhaps the thing from yesterday about putting a mirror by my TV could be though (if I was famous/popular/liked).

While Newsnight is on there are a few status updates about the content. Strictly speaking this is the kind of thing better suited to Twitter – but what are you gonna do? One is picking up on someone misspeaking, then there is a further comment about that previous statement and a final comment dismissing the Conservative MP on the panel, this is the only one of the three to attract any reaction being liked by a friend (I assume) based on the presence on the description of the Tory as a twat.

Today is a little busier on Facebook. Maybe it’s friday and being giddy about not being in work and having a few beers watching the football with my mate Dave has stirred up all kinds of statements.

Earlier in the day there had been a post about there now being a bookmaker near where I work (definitely worth a post). After work in the frenzy described in the previous paragraph, making you ask why that previous sentence is between this and that, I share an article from The Guardian about the top 10 comedy films – that’s just thinking of other people. The list does contain some films I don’t particularly like. I won’t use the word overrated as it’s an odd word for me, if something is ‘rated’ by lots of people then being rated highly by them is the only way something can be overrated…you get me?

I then share a picture of myself with a Persil Stain Eraser ball on my nose with a caption pretending I’ve replaced my nose with said ball. It’s charming and shit. Unsurprisingly it is the most ‘popular’ thing I’ve done all week on Facebook, gaining over two (three) likes.

I then share another link to another story on The Guardian website, a story about Cristiano Ronaldo being a good egg. Again: worthy.

And that’s the Philip Bridgehouse Facebook activitying week that was. I think it’s fair to agree that all my activity is warranted and involves enriching the lives of other people. So I can definitely judge the statuses of everyone else.

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