Saturday 05 October 2013

As usual 37/39ths through my haircut the hairdresser asks me if I want any product putting in my hair.

I like that the word product has a specific meaning within the context of hair. The superordinate term for all manufactured items sold refers to specific manufactured items used to style and shape hair. Human vanity has shoved the English language around the schoolground of life and bullied it to mean whatever it wants it to mean.

I don’t want any texturising cream on my hair. Or gel mousse or wax or matte cream or hair milk. I’m not anti any of these I just know I’m going home for a shower and don’t want to have to wash it out. I politely decline but ask the lady doing my hair about using conditioner as product (I use the vernacular of the people around though my inner pedant is annoyed at me) as a friend recently told my his hairdresser told him to put conditioner in his hair after washing and drying to use as a styling agent – OK, OK as a fucking product.

The hairdresser interprets me asking if it’s OK to use conditioner, as in putting conditioner as one does when one is, well, using conditioner. Would it be that uncomfortable if I clarify what I meant? A little bit of me is a little embarrassed that the woman has thought I would ask if it was OK to use conditioner on my hair. I’m an adult male paying £30 for a trim, surely this suggests I know a little bit about hair maintenance. (Or am a prick who thinks money spent means something about anything.)

It proves to uncomfortable for me to correct her and I just thank her for clarifying that it is OK to use conditioner after I’ve washed my hair and it will probably be beneficial to me as I have thick hair.

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