Wednesday 28 August 2013

“They’re real, they’re gritty,” said the marketing professional. She looked out at the room of people to whom she was presenting. I’m not sure they believe how gritty this fucking video is, she thought to herself.

“The kids have their top button undone and their ties are loose. And one of them is wearing a hat.” BOMBSHELL DROPPED. She looked at their faces and worried that she had gone too far. I know how Peckinpah must have felt looking out on audiences watching THAT scene in Straw Dogs she emoted in the part of her brain that wasn’t urging her to shout buzz-phrases (or cool re-mouth-noise-ings, as she dubbed them).

This isn’t a fiction. It’s a real: I’ve fiction-imagined a real life happening, that’s for certain. But all the words in quotes were actual wordshapes projected in noise on to the cinema screen of my ears, and also other people’s (ears).

There is one thing that I can feel, because you can’t argue with a feeling. I feel that the more time I spend around marketing professionals the more I feel that marketing professionals make me feel like I feel they are fucking cretins that I feel don’t know shit about anything. It’s just a feeling I feel.

I like to think that this gritty film being described was shown in the marketing firm and a few people stood looking at it…jaws dropped. Management were called in. “Glenialja, are you sure you know what you’re doing here? I know the client asked for something real but we’ve got a lad in a fucking hat here…and there is another teenager with a tie knotted loosely and his top button undone. This is The Sex Pistols swearing on television – TIMES TEN.”

Of course no-one would know who The Sex Pistols were (including the three girls wearing Sex Pistols t-shirts) but they’d get his point.

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