Tuesday 27 August 2013

Quite the stroke of bad luck: I have travelled to London to stay overnight ahead a meeting tomorrow and there are people I like who have done likewise. Rather than sit in my hotel room in my underpants and order a steak and chips I was forced to dine out, in a gastropub no less, with pleasant company. My life.

For everyone following my moderation quest you will be pleased to find out that I didn’t get ridiculously drunk tonight.  I was a little more inebriated than I had been at Sunday’s wedding or yesterday’s pre-football drinking but I was in bed for not long after midnight.

Admittedly I had made some piss on myself and on the bathroom floor. But this was all because I really needed to urinate and not because I was too drunk to know what I was doing. Rather than go to a toilet when I really needed to expel urine I bought a final bottle of lager, talked for 20+ minutes with my colleague, sent him off to bed and went for a cigarette and then climbed the stairs to my room.

I thought I had it all under control. I was in my room. The toilet was in my room. There was  a build up of pressure that I just couldn’t control. I couldn’t react quickly enough to the loss premature urination. I can reconcile myself with statistics: a good 95% of the urine I emitted found its way to the lavatory. 95% is a good percentage of something. The other 5% wasn’t even all over the floor, there was an even split between the floor and the inside of my jeans.

Those reading who just judged  me should be ashamed of themselves. Let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone; we all make mistakes. I would do a great pun here (piss-takes more like!) but a pisstake is thing, so I can’t. But, seriously, what don’t people like you stop judging people like me and Miley Cyrus? We just livin’ it….4REAL.

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