Wednesday 26 June 2013

Is the heading ‘Polite Notice’ really ever needed? Surely a polite notice is defined by its content. If the below notice didn’t have the underlined heading ‘Polite Notice’ would it be confusing people? Would people be looking for the grid to answer the crossword puzzles? Would they be saying the words to people in shops in hopes to receive directions to a rave? (best episode of – original – 90210 ever, am I right?) Would people try and appreciate the second level of signification, the imagery and the subtext?

No, because it is a collection of short polite statements notifying people of several things.

Or is that where we are now? I know I am above average intelligence (don’t think I am trying to brag – average intelligence is pretty low; all the people on Jeremy Kyle drag it down you know) and can be snobbish but surely this is too fucking obvious. Who thinks “without the words polite notice at the top people just aren’t going to know what it is”? Probably someone paid more money than me.

Apart from anything else stuff like this shouldn’t be conveyed in a polite notice – it should be conveyed in haughty disciplinarian notice. eg HEY YOU FUCKING CUNT THIS IS A PUBLIC SPACE, STOP PISSING ON THE FLOOR OR DOING ANYTHING WITH YOUR WASTE OTHER THAN PUT IT IN A TOILET OR WE’LL FUCKING FIND YOU AND DO STUFF TO YOU THAT PEOPLE MIND FIND OVER THE TOP AS A REACTION FOR PEOPLE BEING MESSY IN A TOILET – BUT WE’LL DO IT ANYWAY.

I might start putting ‘slightly self satisfied twattish email which clearly is meant in a patronising and snide way but could also be read in a way that was innocent – even though I am clearly writing an email that fits the former description’ as the subject as a lot of the emails I send at work if this is what’s going on now. Just so there is no confusion for people receiving emails from me thinking that I am not mocking them when I am.

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