Monday 06 May 2013

We’ll show capitalism yeah? Tesco, you offer us a £12 off voucher if we spend more than £80? We’ll show you: how about we spend £116 for that £12 off? Weren’t expecting that were you? In your face capitalism, you have no idea who you are messing with here. Tesco is probably thinking that it had us fished in. Well we wanted the printer, and my partner wanted her electric whisk and I wanted my ear syringing kit and a child’s tiger face plate. So your voucher was just giving us £12 you idiot.

I definitely needed a printer. Sorry, we definitely needed a printer. It certainly isn’t just another example of me trying to placate the 12-year-old me who wanted all the things that he saw other people have and felt he deserved them (even though he didn’t really need them and did pretty well out of life thank you very much). It definitely wasn’t that.

One of the main reasons I wanted a printer for the last five years or so was that they’re all basically scanners now. I had wanted a scanner for ten years to be fair – best to want and not get the easily affordable things in life I feel. I’d wanted a scanner to scan in all the photos that I didn’t have electronically. Only I’d scanned them all on my sister’s printer last year. Of course there would be other things that I would need to scan: step forward my old NUS card from college and one from university….and here I bring you my library card from university.

This printer paid for itself.

[I’m taking it for granted that you don’t use this picture to forge yourself a library card for The University of Central Lancashire and set me up with a big fine. If you’re reading this in the future a library is massive brick Kindle. A Kindle was an electronic reader launched by the internet company Amazon. Reading was what people did to gain information before it was automatically implanted in your brain.]

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