As far as addictions go there are much worse things than notebook addiction. I could be stealing my grandmother’s pension to pay for heroin, for example. But I don’t – mainly because I find opiates unappealing and both of my grandmothers are long dead.
It would be foolhardy to suggest that I don’t have an addictive personality though. However I am a fool so perhaps I don’t. I do really like notebooks – and I keep buying them because I like owning more than I already have. It isn’t just the sensation of buying them, though: I do like notebooks. I don’t suppose heroin addicts are addicted to the act of exchanging money for narcotics, more the beautiful stupor that throwing the drug in their veins induces.
But I don’t inject. Don’t get confused – it’s just a bad metaphor. I don’t write in the notebooks is the more literal meaning I am trying to convey. Sometimes I do write in them (he said confirming this to be a paragraph singed with contradiction) but I often only do a few pages. And in many cases I don’t write in them at all (do make up your mind, man), fearing I am ruining their untarnished pages with anything my stupid hands could manage. From where I am sat I can see at least 10 notepads (of varying beauty) with only blank pages, there are many more with little written in them.
What is it all about? It does become some kind of horrible visual representation of my refusal to try and write something proper. It is rather simplistic (vain?) to think it means anything in particular. It’s not like I have this one weird thing. I have many pens and pencils going unused. And before I draw (ha!) some more self-aggrandising meaning from this expansion of writing materials theme I should add there are plenty of other things (clothes, films, books) being collected and unused by yours truly.
Sadly I think the answer may be plain old avarice, an unnecessary yearning for more.
That said these pads that arrived today are lovely aren’t they? I blame the recent article on stationery in The Guardian that directed me to the paperie website…well what is poor boy to do?