Monday 01 April 2013

Translateplants

The world will be a better place when technology finally reaches a place where a person looks at a text and can read it in their own tongue, regardless of the language in which it is written. I don’t even think it will be that long before eyes will be implanted with devices that make this so. These devices will undoubtedly be called translateplants or implantransers.

This invention will just get rid of all the stupidity the non-English speaking world shows when they write anything in a language other than English. Of course these eye implants (eye translateplants) wont solve all the evils of languages. There will need to be equivalents for ears (ear translateplants). The dark old days of holding up an iPhone and using a tranlation app, to transalte whatever garbled nonsense foreign types say with their mouths, will be confined to where they belong: the past (more accurately very recent history). Yes, the world will be one big melting pot of people seeing and hearing exactly the same thing.

April Fools

Today saw the traditional fooling festivals associated with the start of April. Commonly newspapers will celebrate this by printing made-up stories to fool their viewers. This is the part where you can insert your own what’s different about April 1st/Leveson/the press are bastards remarks.

If we ignore all the possible hilarity and venom of talking about the press being insatiable conmen with little care for the truth for a moment..then we have maintained the state of mind of the British public for the last hundred years or so! Boom! I said I wasn’t going to do an ice-cold joke jibe about the fallacy of the modern press and I just did one. In your face Rupert Murdoch.

No, if we ignore all that then we can look at the inherent problem of doing an April fool’s joke. It needs to be believable enough for someone to be able to accept it as a possible truth but actually a lie. They are the two key ingredients of a good Aprils fooling. Yet someone is a fool for believing? The system doesn’t work.

The background shows that the forecasted week of rain wasn't necessarily the most accurate forecast.

The background shows that the forecasted week of rain wasn’t necessarily the most accurate forecast.

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