Monday 11 March 2013

Justin Bieber’s downfall could be a long slow process. He could also be nothing in a a few months. The people put him on a throne and told him he was the greatest at a tender age and now wonder why a multi-millionaire teenager with the world at his feet started to act up a little bit.

You don’t seem to get much patience from the general public these days. You want to enjoy your fame AND make us wait for your gig? FUCK YOU. We paid a lot of money to see you and we will show you how we feel by defaming you. We will take away your fame. And we might not do it in front of all your family and friends like some Eastenders reveal, we might slip it from you as we pass you in the street like The Artful Dodger (the character from the Charles Dickens novel Oliver Twist not the early millennium Southampon- based dubstep act familiar for working with Craig David).

People don’t really have a rags-to-riches-to-rags story anymore. When people stop being famous they just stop being famous. They seem to still live quite well and this is because a lot of people make lots of money while they are famous (are you having your world rocked with these revelations?)

I have to admit my initial reaction to hearing about The Big Reunion was  that it was just another way to make entertainment out of exploiting that formerly famous. And it almost certainly is but it’s not doing it by making them eat an aardvark’s balls or train as a trapeze artist. It’s doing it by plucking them out of their comfortable-but-not-famous lives and dangling fame in front of them.

Almost everyone I have seen in it have been on a journey. The disintegration of the groups (5ive/911/B*witched/Honeyz/911/Atomic Kitten) came as a shock to almost all the people involved. Apart from the one person in each group who had experienced very dark times and fame/the band was suffocating them. All the rest of the people didn’t want to split up – though they may have been partying hard. (I haven’t seen the Liberty X one.)

The best bit thus far was one of the 911s being disgusted at one of the other ones for doing drugs. He was outraged. He was in pop music for several years but was outraged at being told someone he was in a band with had used cocaine.  He called the guy “a skag” and said he couldn’t even look at him. I have called people a skag quite times since I watched that episode.

Whether it being the burden of fame, no longer having ‘it, reaching a point where the partying had become to much or forgetting they were in a band because their knee hurt each member of each band has been on a journey. You know this because in the talking heads bit they say something over some plinky piano and the researcher on the other side of the camera clearly holds back from asking another question. It is poignant.

For the large part the journey has involved attractive people in their mid-thirties with a bit of money behind them living in a nice house with some children. Well that’s the end of the journey really. The people who seem instantly likeable have done something good like worked as counsellors or midwives. Richie from 5ive has been busy cultivating a very bizarre accent.

The best one is probably Edele from B*witched who seems to have spent the last decade (a) trying to pretend she wasn’t in love with Sinead (from B*witched) and (b) thinking up how everyone else in the band is wrong about her having been a bit mental and insisting the group was all about her. We know this as the viewer because when they all say they felt a bit like she made it all about her she tells them all they are wrong idiots. And they did all say it in quite a nice way.

She also manages to make her twin sister, from B*witched, spiralling into depression kind of about her not noticing. She doesn’t really seem so concerned with the depression of her twin as how badly it made her feel about it. I don’t know, maybe I am being harsh but false guilt doesn’t really seem as bad as real depression. Fortunately she seems to be prepared to forgive them all and let them be her backing singers again.

My actual favourite is probably Abz from 5ive, who once you get past his strange accent seems like a fucking diamond (mental but harmless) lad. There I said it.

How’s about this for a great list of words (link courtesy of @IanMayor):

Big Bang Theory

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