Friday 01 March 2013

Benedict XVI is, I’m sure, enjoying the first day of his retirement. How long before he is bored?

Being a retired Pope is definitely a new thing to be in the modern world. It’s not like there is  a community of retired Popes for him to join. The last one has been dead for about 600 years – the likelihood of him playing backgammon at The Vatican Retirement Village has to be zero. No, Benedict is going to have to cope with this on his own.

They have even taken his Twitter account off him, @Pontifex is the Twitter account of the position  – not the man. I might have even started following the account. It could have even a bit One Foot in The Grave, actually that’s a great idea for an Italian comedy sketch show. It does hinge on there having been an Italian version of One Foot in The Grave.

What does an ex-Pope wear? I would like to see some pictures of him in jeans. With perhaps a Pink Flloyd t-shirt on. Is he going to be able to get on with all those things he has been putting off while being Pope? I bet he hasn’t seen Up yet – maybe he shouldn’t watch that alone or he could fall to bits, unless he’s not very good at picking up on metaphor. He should be good at metaphor – but maybe similes are just part of C of E delivery of religious speeches (God is like the internet/God is like Subway/God is like Gangnam Style* Etc.)

He should definitely steered clear of getting involved in I’m a Celebrity Get Me out of Here or Celebrity Big Brother. That is from the perspective of the catholic church of course. From the perspective of TV viewers he definitely should be involved in both of them.  Both are unlikely.

It will be interesting to see how the CC handles having an experienced and successful Pope in the wings if the newbie gets off to a bad start (says he’s not sure when asked if there is a god/says he did some child sex crimes/takes to calling audiences his niggaz). Will it be bit like Chelsea with everyone booing the new pope and wanting Benedict back? To ensure this DOESN’T HAPPEN the new Pope has to arrange a hit on Benedict. It’s the only way. Corleone style. If not I think Benedict should be all over the new guy – criticising everything he does. See how the new guy likes taking the blame for covering up all the child sex and treating homosexuals as subhuman.

If he starts complaining about being bored here are a few things to suggest (I like how this ignores that this is essentially what the rest of this blog has been about):

  • There are plenty of things here that need doing – he could alphabetise my CDs and DVDs to start with.
  • Maybe he shouldn’t have quit his job if he wanted stuff to do (this is the kind of thing I might expect someone from Stalybridge to say, not accepting there is any middle ground between two absolutes).
  • Maybe he could take some high-profile atheists up on a challenge where neither side leaves a room until they admit the other person is right. Even if he just takes Gervais and a couple of others out it will be worth it.

*(Welcomes all & is full of information/millions of choices and there to feed you/brings joy to millions & possibly full of hate)

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