Tuesday 15 January 2013

Despite not being surprised at the cold temperatures or (very slightly) inclement weather conditions I was a bit surprised by my body’s reaction to the outdoors when I went for a run. Both of my elbows fell out and I forgot what soup was for. Aye, ‘appen it was cawd.

One thing cold weather does not do, cold weather does not make me run at any greater pace. When you’re running on a path and people ahead of you notice that you’re coming (people can feel an overweight person ambulating behind them) they kind of move across so that you can pass. The only problem is that most people around these parts are lithe people in lycra running trousers – they move quite quickly.

There are dead whales on beaches that move quicker than I do. And no-one has said, “can you get on with it mate?” to me. Partly because people aren’t like that and partly because they don’t actually stop they just move to one side and walk slightly slowly. No-one has said that but I know they must be a but put out because I made them change their path. But I didn’t ask them to. What I am saying it that even though  I didn’t ask them to move and they show no signs of being frustrated at moving (slightly) for me, they can fuck off. Just fuck completely off. Wankers.

  • What is the cut-off profession for giving people a Christmas tip? A window cleaner definitely gets one. The cashier at your local Off-license definitely doesn’t get one.
  • How much are Sky paying Bruce Willis and Jennifer Aniston for these broadband adverts? These people do films for millions. Now admittedly these adverts take a fraction of the time…but how much money are they getting to still make it worthwhile? Bruce Willis OWNED A TOWN. Aniston was on ONE MILLION DOLLARS an episode for Friends. These people are VERY FUCKING rich.
  • Partner’s car had problems tonight, battery issues. Man giving her advice said something about one of the lights on the dashboard not being on meaning something was fine. But what if the light on the dashboard is broken? What if the light is broken?
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