Thursday 10 January 2013

I got on a bus this morning. One in the eye for those who say I have lost touch with my working class roots…no-one says this of course. Well, actually one person did once but she was wrong.

Of course I had missed the 99 as there is only one an hour and it is always early. I had to walk up for the 111. Brilliantly I didn’t see two 111s go around the corner when I was too far away to be able to catch them. In fact one was about to go around the corner as I was getting there and so a brief jog meant I was at the bus stop by the time the bus slowed down to a point where it reached a full – and entire – stop.

I took this opportunity to show my full respect and support for the grand old English tradition of queuing. Despite my late arrival there were still a person behind me in the queue – for a short period. When it got to the person in front of me paying their fare, the person behind me decided the wait of up to 40 seconds was too much and walked past me and the person paying, waving her Megarider in the general direction of the driver before walking on and taking a seat.

Already I’m annoyed at this: why can’t people just fucking wait? Just because you have chosen to save money by bulk buying the right to public transport for a designated period doesn’t mean you have some fast-track pass. Bargain transport does not mean you are some elite bus celebrity; it’s not a laminate for backstage at a concert. It just means you don’t have to ensure you have pocket change for the duration of your pass – it’s in lieu of individual fares not the manners of waiting your turn. You fucking bus queue fascist fucks.

But it happens. This is broken Britain. You’re lucky if you get a fucking fair queue for people to jump. I just shrug (not literally) and get on with it (literally).

No what really annoyed me about this was what the bus driver remarked to the lady in front of me as the public transport prima donna flounced past. He said, “some people have got no patience.” Then she said something in agreement. She didn’t say, “But you’re the fucking authority on this bus – you’re the Judge Dredd of this bus – just tell the fucking cunt that she needs to go and stand in the queue and wait her fucking turn.” She didn’t say that. She just said something in agreement.

Well I’m giving it out about people not pointing out the bus driver should enforce his power on the passengers I should admit that I only said, “University please,” before depositing my payment on his little tray.

It is only a matter of time before these travel pass supremacists are expecting individual fare paying folk to stand up for them if there are no free seats on the bus. If this comes to pass then I will stand strong – well sit strong – as the Rosa Parks of my generation and refuse to budge.

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