Christmas is upon us and I don’t seem to have succeeding in achieving the much talked about feeling of Christmas-y. I have got close a couple of times: buying the Radio Times; reading the Radio Times; looking at Christmas trees; hearing the odd Christmas song; Parts of Berlin (specifically not Hitler-y bits)*; wrapping Christmas presents.

I can’t quite put my finger on what has gone a bit awry. One thing is for sure: it is Christmas Eve and I have not yet eaten a Christmas dinner. I don’t have any statistics to hand but I would suggest in the last decade I am on my 3.4th** Christmas dinner when I sit down to my Christmas (Day) dinner (on Christmas Day). Is it this lack of a sit down Christmas dinner a few times in December that has caused my lack of seasonal cheer? Probably not. I do like Christmas dinners, though.

Maybe next year I will go to lapland to visit Father Christmas. And to Victorian London. And hire some Morecambe and Wise impersonators. And have Noddy Holder continuously scream “IIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt’s Chrissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssstmassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss” in my face for 24/31sts of December. That definitely would all make me feel Christmas-y.

Alternatively I could get lost in New York, realise I have a wonderful life or hallucinate some ghosts as these seem to be the key ingredients of great Christmas films.

*All bits  of Berlin were mainly brilliant but there is nothing Christmas-y about an Olympic stadium or being dizzy near Checkpoint Charlie. They are just facts. London (last year at the same time) definitely had more of a Christmas feel. London did invent Christmas, though.
** Mean average over the ten years.

(Thank Fuck) It’s The End of Christadventmas! Numero Vier und zwanzig/24/vingt-et-quatre: Father Christ-twat