Thursday 13 December 2012

Time Getting Wasted isn’t Time Wasted

I don’t know how I ever get anything done in work because I find it impossible to achieve anything in the time I am not in work. By the time I have had a lie-in and watched a bit of cricket I was looking at lunch time – square in it’s stupid, fucking semi-abstract face. There was only one thing for it: I was going to have to cut having a shower out of my activity plan for the day. Well one of the showers, the one after football was non-negotiable. Therefore I went into town shopping not only looking like a hobo but smelling like one too.

Starbucks Rogers The 21st Century

I had full on plans to get a Starbucks while I was in town. Not that I condone their tax avoidance one iota. But the laws allow it. And I doubt all the other coffee chains people are using are dirt free. People targeting Starbucks to boycott but still probably using Google and Amazon also annoyed me a little bit; it was the easy target for do-gooders.

I thought how hilarious people would have thought it would have been if I had dressed in a foam suit that was the word ‘TAX’ and kept going near Starbucks but not quite in it, thus avoiding it. And imagining a white person with dreadlocks thinking that was hilarious made me even more sure that going to Starbucks was a good idea. But I didn’t go in. I didn’t go in to three different Starbucks. Fucking stupid conscience. I am going to have to have sever words with it because I don’t really like all the other coffee chains.

Apple of My i(phone)

I was in the Apple store – I think they pay their taxes so they are OK right? I didn’t check up. I read The Guardian though so they would probably hush it up if Apple did a Starbucks. Apple was rammed but I still got some assistance quite quickly by standing near something quite expensive looking confused but able to impulse buy something costing several hundred pounds. Ha! Idiots. I just wanted an anti-glare screen cover for my iPhone.

I did ask the guy about replacing the back of my phone – there is a small but not significant crack on the back – and he started showing me how to book an appointment with the Genius Bar to get said repair. The word genius is being banded about quite a lot by technical support – and I mean O2 and Apple, I’m not really sure of anyone else – and it seems to just describe people who tell me things that I have worked out to try for myself.

Anyway, by the time he’d shown me how to book an appointment, which I already knew how to do – but he was an assistant not a member of the Genius Bar crew so I wasn’t mad at him – some other assistant was on me trying to take my payment for my anti-glare film. While taking my card details he explained to me that there is now an app for the Apple Store where you just pay for stuff by scanning the bar code with your iPhone and the money comes off your iTunes account and you just walk out with it. I suppose it’s the perfect thing for people who like every element of shoplifting except the not paying for the goods.

“Thanks for your help, mate,” I said to the idiot whose great customer service was making his own job completely futile.

Painful Lives

Waterstones has a section called Painful Lives. Not a sub-section of (Auto)Biographies called Painful Lives. A section called Painful Lives. Let me make this clear: the Painful Lives section isn’t just on an extended bookend kind of sign in the middle of (Auto)Biographies. Painful Lives is on a big sign over lots of books on shelves and all these books are about people with painful lives. Sure the section isn’t as big as Fiction or Children’s Books but it is quite big.

I’m not sure what troubles me most about this. Whether it is that there is a section called Painful Lives in a book shop suggesting that the main categories of non-fiction are sport, travel, art and people who had a really shit life. Or whether there are so many people who have a shit life and are still better at writing than me. My upbringing was – at best – not as good as some people’s. Prince William and Harry had better resources for example – their mum’s head did fall into itself because of excessive paperazzing. Jesus, William and Harry’s autobiographies are more likely than mine to get into Painful Lives section.


Comfortable jeans can only exist one at a time for me. I never have more than one pair that is comfortable. I spend a reasonable amount of money chasing this Shangri-La, though. Today I bought a pair of jeans that were too comfortable (that’s what fat people say for things that are big enough not to be tight on them) and a pair of jeans that were too small. In a way these cancel out as a pair of jeans that are about right. In another way I wasted £90 on two pairs of jeans that will be as much use as the five or six other pairs I have that are little-to-no-use (and the one pair that are comfortable, natch).

Advent(uring into Christmas) Image #13: Just a Bit Too Fucking Much

Just in case anyone forgot what a house without a ridiculous amount of over the top Christmas decorations on it looks like I did a wide shot so you can see one – it’s the one on the left.


This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s