Tuesday 11 December 2012

Adventureous Calendar No 12:  Facebook You in The Mouth

A lovely example of a Facebook status going viral. Yeah: viral. When I saw this it had something like 22,000 likes. It’s just quite a funny statement. Of course something that has that many likes has many, many people having to comment.

My favourite was social commenter and social network watchdog Ann-Xarie Xillen, the Xs here represent the redacted letters on the below image. Enthused by Ann-Xarie’s respect for the respect for other human beings I thought it best to hide the names of those involved – despite them all, including Ann-Xarie commenting on a public forum that everyone can see whilst simultaneously talking about not talking about stuff in public. And that’s not even hyprocritical. It’s not, I am not even being sarcastic here. Because of the nature of my personality and the structure of the last few sentences I can see how it must have seemed sarcastic – but it wasn’t. Discussing the nature of privacy on a public forum is not hyprocritical or ironic at all.

And while she may not be right about most things, and I would wager a sixpence that’s she’s wrong about a lot of things on a daily basis, she was right it was the colleagues of the sex workers who weren’t serving the commuters and thus it is not really their fault. But, she didn’t write que to save time did she? She is liar on that. Why would you shorten queue to que?

If I was that weary of the very real time (and length) issues of commenting on a Facebook status that has become viral then I would probably just shorten it to the letter q on its own. I am not saying Ann-Xarie doesn’t know how to spell queue, I am just saying maybe she doesn’t know how to spell queue. I am not saying she is a liar. I am just saying maybe she is lying about writing que to save time and the real reason is that she cannot spell queue. My main reasons are that she uses two question marks and adds the phrase “Thick as mince you lot”. Who adds extra punctuation and meaningless regional fuckery when they are in that much of a rush that they cut three out of five letters from a five-letter word in time-saving exercise (admittedly two repeated letters of five-letter word that kind of add nothing to the word, but let’s not help out Ann-Xarie on this one).

It’s good to see that Ann-Xarie is also concerned about what happened  in ‘the media’ to ‘that nurse’ really. Well to be fair she is worrying about it happening to XXXXX and XXXXX. I think by the media she means the witch-hunt that newspapers and TV news can create over things that aren’t really news. So she is kind of being that witch hunt here – by comparing a light-hearted Facebook update to the suicide of a person who incorrectly mistook some Australians for The Prince of Wales (and who hasn’t?) I am not saying she is trying to make anyone kill themselves. Because no-one was ever doing that. No-one does that. No-one wants people to kill themselves. But does that someone is capable of reacting in this way mean that no-one should ever make a jokey remark ever again.

I’m fed up of everyone being so over-fucking sensitive. The internet is breaking people. Everyone goes on about trolls, bullying and hate on the webs ruining people’s lives. When what really needs addressing is everyone’s self-worth. Just fucking ignore dicks saying shit on the internet. They were only saying this about people behind their back anyway. Now you can just read it. People get bored very easily if you don’t give a fuck about them. Apart from a few – some people will never get bored and relentlessly make your life a misery. Really small odds of it happening to you, though. Got to be someone, though.

Everyone is going to have to stop going on about the recent tragic death of the nurse at the hospital. Making a big deal out of everything is counter-productive. But people want everything to be a big deal because they want to be famous for a comment on Facebook or a You Tube video where they dance the Macarena to Gangnam Style – but that everyone on Earth is an unfair bully if they disagree with them or point out that the video is shit.

I am happy if the end result is two internets. One for people who are mean, swear and accept that part of being funny is ripping the shit out of stuff. The other internet is for all the people who think life can just be nice. We shall call the former: the internet (no point coming up with two new names) and the latter the fucking pointlessly nice and really fucking dull-ternet. And if anyone is even mean about dandelions or tables or milk on the the fucking pointlessly nice and really fucking dull-ternet they will be imprisoned for 15 years. Likewise people not being able to take a joke on the internet. All actual offensive behaviour and bullying will be banned on both.


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