Monday 03 December 2012

I didn’t even know they were trying!

I don’t think anyone else saw today’s news coming either: Prince William and Princess Kate are pregnant. It’s a brave economic climate to start a family in. I, for one, hope they don’t run up ridiculous credit card bills buying packs of Pampers.

It’s good that people don’t need to use news like this for their own ego-stoking. The Prime Minister, one David Cameron, confirmed that he knew about it “just before everyone”. When asked specifically what that meant and what time he found out, Cameron asked the press what time they had found out and when they said 3.15 pm he confirmed that he had found at 3.14 pm. “Someone passed me a little note,” he said – provoking everyone to wonder whether why the note was so little. Little as in all notes are little? Or little in comparison to notes in general? And why would this note be any smaller than other notes? And who wrote it? I like to think it was Mrs Cameron – on an orange 3 inch square Post It note:

Untitled

I think we all know it wasn’t though. He was told it by a member of his spin team as he walked to talk to the press. He probably sighed and said something about being overshadowed before asking if he could go home yet. He also lied that he had found it difficult to keep to himself. If he struggles to keep something like that to himself while being in a meeting as Prime Minister then he is probably not the man to be running the country. Oh. Right.

Happily everyone reporting the news said what DC didn’t have the dignity to muster: that this would have been Diana’s first grandchild if she hadn’t have died. I’m glad news agencies are including this amongst the first things they have said about the breaking news. Very important. Actually The Mail goes on to explain that the great great great great great grandchild of Queen Victoria. Most popular newspaper website in the UK. By miles. And that’s what they are writing about in immediate relation to news that there is a pregnancy that a lot of people are interested and supposedly represents the future of the monarchy.

That Daily Mail were happy to clarify any confusion about the issue of the illness Middleton is suffering from,

“It tends to be more common in young mothers, women who are in their first pregnancy, and those with multiple pregnancies.”

I’m not really sure what other kind of pregnant women there are. Oh, multiple pregnancies means like twins or something doesn’t it? I thought it just meant second pregnancies. Sorry Daily Mail. Actually, no I am not sorry. I still hate you. Just because I am wrong about this one thing doesn’t mean we are best friends or anything. I’m sure the media blitzkrieg that the Mail will be at the front of for the duration of the pregnancy will definitely help everyone out. Like talking about her having health issues right next to mentioning how she hit a few hockey shots in high heels the other day – was she thinking of the future monarch when she did some extremely mild physical exercise 11 weeks into her pregnancy? Maybe she doesn’t want the baby. Come on – that is what they are implying.

This all proper overshadowed the Pope creating a Twitter account. Poor old whatever-he-is-called. Strangely his first tweet has been pre-announced as taking place on December 12th. All about predestination with them lads eh? What happens if he thinks of a cracking joke before then? Or something really funny to say about X Factor? He’ll just have to stick it on his Facebook.

Yeah the Post It was today’s ADVENT picture. Whatevz.

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