It’s In The Bag
I have been accused on at least one occasion of having a problem with bags – and I’m not talking about my old lady! (© Sammy Davis Jnr.)
In order to prove to my flatmate/girlfriend that I don’t have too many bags I got my bags out to (a) show I didn’t have to many, and (b) I could justify each of the not-too-many bags. So, could I?
1. A good one to start with as this is one that I don’t really use, couldn’t argue looks that good. It is one of the oldest of these bags, though – bought back when I just wanted a bag. Times used: lots, Cost: £5-ish, Decision – bin it.
2. As seemingly basic as Bag 1 but it’s not as floppy. Despite all the challenges this has been my go-to-bag for work for at least a year. Bought from an army surplus store. Times used: pure loads, Cost: £7?, Decison: staying put.
3. After two regular military style satchels this one is a bit smaller. And bright red. Does an OK job but it is a bit small. And bright red. Times used: sub-fifty, Cost: £15-20, Decison: staying, definitely for days when I just need to carry a small notebook.
4. Bought purely for the reason that it reminded me of the bag Kevin has in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. And, yeah, it looks nothing like it. But it reminds me of it. Like when people say any big, fat comedian who has some energy is like John Belushi – only they aren’t. But this bag makes me think of HA2:LiNY, OK? It just does. And I was pretty jealous of Kevin at the time. And I didn’t even know Culkin was sleeping with Michael Jackson. Times used: 30-60 (including being a holiday bag), Cost: £22-ish, Decision: IT’S MY HOME ALONE 2 BAG. YOU DICK.
5. This is one of my disappointments. It’s beautiful though. And Fred Perry. It’s the shape that lets it down a bit but, no, it’s lovely. Times used: 20ish, Cost: £about fifty, Decision: Freds going nowhere.
6. This arrived yesterday and kind of prompted the whole thing – merchandise from the football quarterly The Blizzard. Lovely looking. Times used: give me a chance, Cost: £25? Decision: too new to be going anywhere for the foreseeable.
7. My Scaramanga satchel. Beautiful. Times used: 10 (approx), Cost: £cough, Decision: Marriage.
8. Having this after Bag 7 makes it sound like I do spend quite a bit on bags. This one was £50 – but it was reduced from £110. It’s a good looking bastard. But a bit floppy and slightly too large. I haven’t give up on it. I will make this work like people with young children make loveless relationships work. Times used: Under 10, Cost: £50 – but this was £60 less than it had been a few days earlier so in a way I really made £10, Decision: Freds going nowhere.
9. This is a FLIGHT BAG. It is nothing like the satchels or army satchels of earlier. Stop saying they are all the same. Times used: 0 (I have only had it a week and not been on any flights since it was delivered, your honour), Cost: £15, Decision: Freds going nowhere.
10. Ah differentiation is the key to proving these are all needed. This is a laptop backpack. Times used: 10 (I have had it a while as well), Cost: £25ish, Decision: staying.
11. Ah differentiation: this is a messenger shaped laptop bag. So no like Bag 10 at all. Times used: 10 (not really as a laptop bag), Cost: Gift (I think), Decision: staying.
12. I spent a long time not getting why people had them backpacks where instead of having the shoulder straps they had the cross body thing. Then one day I decided I liked them and wanted one. Times used: 15+, Cost: Gift, Decision: staying.
13. Awww. Old faithful. I think this is the original one of this pack. The Ryan Giggs of the squad. The strap started fraying ages ago but I can’t bring myself to let it go. Plain and simple, plain black puma satchel with Puma puma logo. Times used: fucking loads – no competition for quite a long time, Cost: £18, Decision: it makes the decision when to retire – not me.
14. Nice little Eastpak number. Eight quid in a sale. It’s supposedly a laptop thing but I think it’s a good size for A4 shit. Paper, that kind of thing. Times used: 5-10 (in only a couple of weeks), Cost: £8. Decision: it’s a keeper!
15. You need a black packpack – what else you going to put your tracksuit in at a funeral? What else is there to say? Times Used: 30ish, Cost: £9ish (Decathlon job), Decision: stays – you need a black backpack. I said that already.
16. Lovely Adidas bag. Don’t hardly not use it at all but how am I supposed to relinquish something that good looking? (A question asked by both Cheryl and Ashley Cole at different times of their marriage). Times used: 50ish, Cost: freemans (me ma bought it me bra but he didn’t want it), Decision: stay-stay-stay.
17. OK. Maybe you don’t need two black backpacks. Especially when really you’ve got three if you include the laptop one (Bag 10). This is one that I think of as the same bag as Bag 15, even though this is shitter and uglier. Times used: 50+ (been a football/gym option very often), Cost: £7? (Another Decathlon one), Decision: Bye-bye, bag.
18. You need a none-black backpack – and Home Alone 2 bags (Bag 4) doesn’t count. Plus it’s nice and bright isn’t it. I have a lot of brown coats as well so I need something as a backpack option when I am wearing these coats. Times used: 40+, Cost £12ish (another Decathlon), Decision: co-ordination essential. Stays.
19. Bigger option, overnight type bag. Safe place in the squad. [This was the upper size limit – a couple of holdalls have not been included.] Number of times used: numerous, Cost: Christmas present, Decision: presents go nowhere.
20. Smaller overnight option. Nice, little Lyle and Scott barrel option. Number of times used: three, Cost: £30ish, Decision: label whore stay.
I think you’ll agree I justified them all. If anything this picture/list has made me spot a few holes in the collection. For example: definitely need more satchels. (I am, in fact, waiting on a Pretty Green bag to this end.)
ps. This counts as the ADVENT picture for today as well.