Friday 23 November 2012

Riddle Me This

My friend told me this riddle. Not sure it is a riddle actually. For the sake of getting this explained easily let’s call this a riddle.

Six of the seven days of the week have no (one word) anagram in the English language. The remaining day of the week has only one (one word) anagram in the English language. I hope that you get what the riddle is without me going any further. My course learned me that I shouldn’t assume things of other people so I will spell it out. The riddle is to find the one word in the English language that is an anagram of a day of the week. I’m pretty fucking sure you’re fucktarded if you didn’t realise that was the riddle, I mean that in a completely non-judgemental way: you are a fucking fucktard.

I kind of just worked on this for the last hour or so I was at work today. It’s not a very responsible way to spend your time and you definitely should be aware of that. I think it shows what a good line manager I am that I only shared it with two people and only one of them is in my team. And the one I manage just googled it as he said he would never get it. What a smart guy – as the man who interviewed, appointed and manages him I must take most of the credit. The other person, well she wasted an hour-ish of her day. I think that shows what a great manager and trainer I am.

It’s almost completely irrelevant that I wasted all my own time and that the person who wasted her time trying to find the anagram is part of my team and I am only technically not her manager at the moment, I still kind of am.

It seems like it will be very easy to solve the puzzle (puzzle seems better than riddle).  But then you find yourself looking up RADIFY in the dictionary with quite a lot of conviction that it will be there. I was also certain for a few seconds that ENDWAYSED was a word – as in ‘I hadn’t put it in length-ways, I had put in it the other way – I had endwaysed it.’  It’s the Y that is the shitter.

I hadn’t solved it when I left work. Despite some grade-A methods of anagram solving. I’ll smash this tonight, though, I thought. I had the flat to myself and a decent supply of post-it notes. How could I fail? Easily, it turns out. I went for three quick pints with my mate and then bought some cans on my way home and sat on my balcony drinking them and getting drunk – before falling asleep without an anagram to my name.


I’m not sure what my favourite thing about this is the unnecessaryness of the added note ‘box shape’ or the content of the note ‘box shape’. One does wonder about the design of the form – why not the option for a box for ‘box’? Surely a lot of stuff that doesn’t fit through a letter-box is a box. But between the two areas of the form that it is a kind of packet and it is too big is surely enough information?

If we accept that someone might need to know a parcel was a box then surely the word box is enough. Or ‘carboard box’. But ‘BOX SHAPE’? Surely a Postman has enough experience in this area to have the confidence to identify something as a box once they can see it has the characteristics and shape of a box.

While we are looking at the form…interesting that the box shaped packet is described as waiting for me. I’m not sure how I feel about this anthropomorphisation of a box-set of Harry Potter DVDs. I don’t know why, and I am sure it is my projection, but when something is described as waiting for something I can’t help but fell there is some inadequacy on the part of whatever is causing the poor thing to wait, be it a shoddy transport system, a parent lacking urgency or the breakdown of western civilisation. In this case I am the shoddy person, the uncaring bastard leaving a DVD set shivering in the cold Royal Mail depot, shivering in the corner while the parcels that have remained uncollected for years try and get it addicted to drugs or force it to perform sexual acts.

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