We went to tea at my partner’s brother’s house tonight. He’s just bought a house in Bulgaria for about £17. It’s hardly Wayne Manor but it’s a building with a barn and some land. Yes, it was more than £17 but not enough more than £17 for £17 to be that ridiculous. It’s none of my business how much he paid – but it was less than a not-great car I was told.
Apparently in communist Bulgaria every adult had its own house – and many had more than one as they had a house near their summer work and a house near their winter work. Since McDonald’s felled communism in the early 1990s (people’s values systems go out of the window when they have a Big Mac Meal) and Bulgaria went capitalism – or more accurately since Bulgaria let all the people leave if they wanted and they all went to live in Capitalism – there have been a lot of spare houses. And lots of the houses are just made of mud bricks and fall into a bit of disrepair. You see they can be built of mud bricks as long as they have a roof to stop the rain. Unlike here the rain just falls straight down because there is no wind. And it only rains about eight times a year.
There is electricity. But no sewage network. There is the internet. But no toilet. (All referring to the village where his house is – I am not suggesting Bulgaria does not have toilets.) Also there is one day a year where there is an issue with insects. One day – I was a bit sceptical of that. But why lie about it? He’s basing it on having visited people already living over there. There is a kind of commune of British people in this village. I think I would probably lie about how good it was to get over people to ruin their lives as well – so I didn’t feel so isolated. If there something better than ruining your life in isolation it is ruining your life surrounded by friends, it’s not a co-incidence that large groups of people congregate in squats to import heroin into their blood².
I learned a lot about Bulgaria this evening. Well I think I did. No wind? That can’t be right. What else? Chickens basically fall asleep when the sun goes down. So, if you haven’t got them in the chicken cupboard before then they fall asleep where they are – and are eaten by foxes/wolves. Basically chickens are solar powered.
All this could be utter bullshit. Pretty sure I am not the mark in a long con, though. *Cut to me sitting in a Bulgarian bus station in two years – harvested of all my internal organs.*
I don’t know about swallowing some yarns about Bulgarian weather/culture but I do know I was happy to swallow the food prepared. A new curry dish on me: Nihrai. It was fucking awesome. Basically just really spicy meat with rice. That’ll do me. I’m not sure I could handle it for breakfast though.
¹From The Wombles right? Is The Wombles still an acceptable reference? The stuff coming out about the 70s at the moment makes me wary.
²This remark would probably resonate a little more in the mid-to-late-80s.