Thursday 08 November 2012

I don’t know if anyone saw in the news that Bradley Wiggins got knocked off his bike in the news. For a while I thought that the person driving the van that hit him might be in danger of becoming a public hate figure.

I don’t want to say anything controversial because I do love Bradley and his bike riding exploits, but if he’s anything like 95% of cyclists on the road then he is probably prone to being a bit of a dick when he’s out cycling. That is harsh – it is harsh to compare Britain’s greatest ever cyclist to the everyday fucker around Manchester. I have to be honest, though, I reckon that if Wiggins comes up to a red light when he’s on the road he occasionally ignores it because he’s on a bike. And maybe from time to time he cycles up a pavement and nearly hits someone coming out of a door and doesn’t think he has done anything wrong. Or gets really uppity at someone walking across a cycle path even though he spends his life using pavements when it suits. No, no – it’s wrong to project all this on to Wiggins.

Or perhaps the man in the van just didn’t spot Wiggins because he has got rid of his sideburns. It was always going to happen: I used a link to a story on The Daily Mail website just to serve a purpose other than mocking the website/paper/people who make comments on it. The link to the story is just the punchline to a particularly unhilarious joke. I think this is what it feels like when your soul dies.

I could try and make it about the comments…given the story is based on him shaving off his sideburns and a newspaper’s decision to run the story – rather than him announcing it at a press conference or something. That doesn’t stop tbjwales sticking the boot in “Want’s to get a grip, he rides a bike for a living.” ‘Mark’ doesn’t know what all the fuss is about and legitimately asks, “Does he really look that difference and everyone will just show a photo of him without them.”

I can’t make out if toby (his lack of capitalization) is being sarcastic or not when he says, “He has tried to stay un-noticed, so why, DM, have you put pictures up so he will be noticed. Complete disregard for privacy.” Actually, since writing the earlier sentence I have clicked on his profile and looked at his past comments. If he is being sarcastically a twat then he is very convincing and maintains it with everything he writes. For instance, you know that fucking horrible story when those foul bastards punched and stamped on the Asian man in Manchester while their children watched? He said this: “I don’t think this is the whole story at any length. No one, even mental patients would come up to someone, stamp on their head, and racially abuse them. Wake up, DM readers!” In other words he thinks the Daily Mail is somehow serving as a  propaganda machine working to portray people committing physical attacks on people as bad. You have to be pretty, pretty mad to see the Daily Mail as a bastion of social equality.

Similarly he had this to say about the Savile affair, “This is getting ridiculous now. Give some respect for the dead. He was never convicted when he was alive. Move on.” Yes, someone having gotten away with dying before their crimes become public means it should all be left alone. Thank heavens Jesus was tried by a fair court before being sentenced to the death penalty. On another post he noted that “Polls are pointless” – though I guess he didn’t mind Pot¹ – before helpfully adding “I for one would prefer Romney.” I think toby and Polls have a quality in common.

Pip Waller does little to suggest they aren’t a twat by saying, “He still needs to go to a hairdressers and have a proper haircut. At the moment he looks like he has just climbed out of a skip.” Pip clearly is one of those people who thinks the British Empire has crumbled because people don’t shave every day and have a short back and sides – rather than because people stopped being OK with being slaves.

Natalie from Birmingham restores some common sense to the situation, “Absolute sporting hero, sideburns or no sideburns.” Well side Natalie – but let’s not assume he is one without the ‘burns.

That still didn’t make it alright did it? Sorry.

¹Not enough Pol Pot puns made in this – or any other – blog.

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