Friday 12 October 2012

For the second or third year I have been asked/encouraged to take part in Movember. We’re barely halfway through Stoptober and people are talking about Movember already? Is it me or is Movember encouragement getting earlier and earlier every year? Someone was saying the other day he saw an advert for Movember in Cyborgust¹. It is only a matter of time before there are adverts for Movember in Virginuary. The world has gone mad.

It’s not like I don’t think things that raise money or awareness are bad things. It’s just that they always involve people and people are a bit cunt-ish. It’s not even like the person who asked me is a cunt, he’s a really nice lad who thinks it’s a good laugh and raise money for men’s health charities. But that doesn’t mean other people doing it aren’t cunts. I don’t want someone who reads The Sun and thinks Tim Lovejoy does great banter smiling and nodding at me because we both have hair on our upper lips on Movember 19th. Does that make me a bad man? It’s just all a bit FHM for me. And I mean like FHM circa 1998 when it had a circulation.

And as for Stoptober. Well I am participating in Smokemoretober because I’m such a contrary little bastard.

Can’t people just leave month names alone and stop morphing them into other things?

Wait a minute didn’t you

– Ssssh

But you’re having a go at month/pun events and you –

Yeah, I know. But you’re ruining it. I’m just coming to talk about it and I’m going to do it after this little rant about how obnoxious it is with all these month-word mashes doing the rounds.

Ahem…so the themeonths are everywhere and it’s boring isn’t it?

Today I was looking at my leave and trying to work out if I could do Leavecember 2 this year. I don’t think my new position means I can realistically take three weeks off before Christmas. But I figure finishing on December 12th is fine and so 2012 will see LEAVECEMBER 2: SEMI-LEAVCEMBER!!

Ahhh. I did kind of step all over it didn’t I?

Not really, it was kind of a weak attempt at a joke. Slagging something off then doing it is so passé. As is saying things are passé.

Still I feel like I got in the way.

Don’t worry about it. It was all downhill after the first couple of paragraphs. I was quite happy with the whole Movember-being-promoted-too-early-in-the-style-of -people-complaining-about-Christmas-adverts thing.

Yeah and Cyborgust was nice. That was a nice joke, the footnote was good as well.

You read that? I worry about people not reading the footnotes. Not like worry-worry but more a momentary thought that the footnotes are funnier (less unfunny) than the blog itself. But thanks for the kudos. But after that it kind of trailed off and the Leavecember thing was OK. Because it wasn’t really slagging something off and doing it, it was more referencing that I had already done a thing that was taking the piss out of stuff like Movember.

Taking the piss? Really? Because the way you bored on about Leavecember it was kind of like you were just enjoying it and gave it a name and you weren’t really being post-modern at all.

You can say that. But I will say this: fuck off. You’re wrong – the way I was about it was part of the joke.

Sure. And having a conversation with yourself by using italic typeface is..? What? You being oh so clever and being able to be shit but talk about it in a way that makes you seem clever? Or make you think you seem clever. Newsflash: It doesn’t. Neither does having the ‘other voice’ the italic one refer to the device within itself.

Newsflash: fuck off then.

¹Cyborgust started out in Phoenix, Arizona where nine college students all dressed as Robocop in August 2009 to raise money for their fraternity, AlphaKayEpsilon, to get a new keg stand. By 2011 there were over 9 million people around the world raising money for keg stands by dressing as various fictional biological-robot hybrids.

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