Tuesday 25 September 2012

Can the BT Infinity Fibreoptic Broadband marketing company make a new advert? It’s frankly a little pathetic that they are still showing the one where the lad lets all the girls use his wireless internet. “We are staying here for the Olympics,” she says. Sorry, love, the what? That was fucking years ago. Everyone has thrown their GB flags away now. Everyone is miserable and talking about how shit football is or how funny someone was singing/looking idiotically on X Factor.

The girl who ran away with her teacher* thing carries on at pedestrian pace. The BBC had this startlingly mundane piece of journalism on the matter today.

  1. The headline and the first sentence are essentially the same.
  2. MAY know? Well you can say anything you like if you’re going to use words like MAY and might. Megan and her teacher might be in training for an attempt at the world record for shovelling tigers down a hole.
  3. You can’s say that the message was from her? Well who is passing this message – that you cant comment on – to her friend? Abdul Amzah? Stephen Fry?
  4. “I can’t give a specific time or date..”  Can’t or wont? This really is the vaguest thing ever.

*The Girl Who Ran Away with Her Teacher is the kind of thing a fairy tale would be called if fairy tales had their genus in modern Britain and not centuries ago in Scandinavia. Other titles might include The Hoody In The Woods and The Prince and The Page Three Girl (that wasn’t a dig at K-Midz for getting papped with her paps out.

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