This time next week I will be on holiday. It’s safe to say that this will be characterised by being on the Greek island of Rhodes – as that is where I am going.

Some of the things I am looking forward to include:

• Trying to make toast in the hotel restaurant with them self-service-toasting-machine-things where you put a slice of bread on a slowly rotating metal conveyor belt that – even if you leave the bread on there for an hour – will, at best, make the bread warm.
• Not going on a day-trip/tour advertised in the hotel even though it seems really interesting and clearly something I wouldn’t be able to do at home but not going because it’s slightly overpriced and then coming home and spending twice the amount on a coat that I will never wear or similar.
• Having chips almost every meal, including breakfast, as it’s always an option – even though the thought of chips for breakfast anywhere else makes me feel a bit ill.
• Wondering if I should be a bit more adventurous than always going all inclusive.
• The crushing disappointment of the hotel not having Coca-Cola (my first all-inclusive ruined me expectations on that one).
• Being disappointed, like close-family-member-dead-disappointed, if there isn’t a crazy golf course somewhere.
• Thinking I’ve achieved something by standing in a really shallow swimming pool and thinking about trying to swim despite being 34.
• Paying a few Euros a day to read the football news on a hotel computer.
• Realising listening to some lectures about cricket that I downloaded ages ago is as relaxing as it gets (last holiday it was the Cowdrey lecture by Kumar Sangakarra )
• Taking pictures of sea/horizon/landscapes fully aware they will never be looked at by anybody, including me when I am taking the pictures.
• Hoping some Greek people do something that rhymes with ‘bearing’ with something that rhymes with ‘gifts’ so I can make a delicious pun (Possible example “beware of Greeks tearing lifts” if I see some Greeks taking the things out of someone’s shoes to make them look taller and tearing them up. I’ll be gutted if I see this happen now as I can’t really use this as it will look premeditated).
• Not managing to get more than half of my legs to tan – despite lying in every possible position the outsides of my legs will invariably not catch any sun.
• The highlight of the trip being watching United-Wigan in a pub with some annoying English people – but also watching United with a cold beer and a tab.
• Rattling through about 10 books in 7 days – I am taking my iPad but I’ll have watched what I can fit on it by the time we land.

At lease this hotel doesn’t have activities/entertainment – I hate the conversations with enthusiastic hotel employees explaining why I don’t want to play water polo “well yeah I kind of do actually but everyone else playing is 9 and I’d be embarrassed when I was the worst one.”