Wednesday 29 August 2012

Pervert Fucks (you)

I’ll tell you something for nothing: ‘they’ say sex sells and ‘they’ may be right.

This blog goes through spells of being read and spells of not so much being read. Give a shit. Recently (last week or so) it has been less popular than average; thus, a lot less popular when it’s particularly attracting readers (glad I explained how averages work for the people who don’t get them: I really don’t respect you as a person if you don’t get how averages work, you are like just above racists in my estimation – unless you are a racist who doesn’t understand how averages work).

It’s fine when no-one is reading it. Much like when it is quite popular I don’t think I am Dan Brown. But in the middle of this desert of interest I mention that a blog is about pornography and people are falling over themselves to read it*.

*not literally.

Giz A Light

I went to the cinema with my mate Yazoo tonight. We saw Ted, I liked it. We went for a drink after. I didn’t know the drinks were part of the plans so I didn’t have cigarettes or a lighter with me. I solved part of that problem on my way to the cinema. I didn’t buy a lighter or matches because I just end up with a box of lighters and a garage of matches.

So, it’s kind of my bad that I was gagging for a cigarettes after a couple of pints but couldn’t have one as I was lacking a light. I saw that there was a guy with tobacco and papers on his table by the door of the pub. I asked him if I could use his lighter. He did the ‘looking for a lighter’ mime and said he didn’t have one. The woman he was with did a kind of annoyed face at him. “It doesn’t matter,” I said. It did matter. The dick. Of course he had a lighter. Why would you not give someone a lighter?

About five minutes later he had a cigarette right outside the window where I was sat. I didn’t actually see him light it but I am pretty sure it was lit with a light he took from his own pocket and then put it back in his pocket. What a cunt.

It kind of made me respect him though, “Nice rubbing the lighter thing in my face, ” I said as I smashed a brick into his skull until it was little more than a liquid – later that night.

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