Saturday 18 August 2012

Did some pure honest graft today. Proper man’s work. Helping out me boy Whitey sorting his money pit out. I’d be lying if I said I built a wall or something but the bit of bannister I sanded and stripped looked pretty, pretty good. All 3 feet of it. What do you expect? Do you know what my hourly rate is? And I was doing this gratis. And I helped him pick up some radiators from B&Q. Radiators are fucking heavy. They don’t look that heavy (IMHO) when they are on the wall. They are fucking heavy when the are in a cardboard box and need carrying to and from said cars.

There was one thing dominating my thoughts, though, as I surveyed my boy’s new castle:

Sinks are too low right? I have never done the washing-up and not had a bit of a sore back. It was pointed out to me that this would mean kitchen work tops getting higher – and not just the sinks. But something has to be done about this situation. Why is it allowed to continue?

As the population grows (in average height, not in consciousness) everything else gets bigger. As recently as 1972 a double decker bus was only 6 and a half feet tall; a two storey house was the same height as a horse in 1950 and the original Blackpool Tower was torn down in a bid to stop people falling over it back in 1900, despite it having taken people over a day to walk up it in 1807.

I don’t know why I am writing this here. I should be writing this to the only person who can make this change: HRH Queen Elizabeth II. Come on ma’am, your loyal subjects are DYING of sore backs due to spending several minutes washing some cups. And don’t give me any of that “I’m busy shit.” You weren’t that busy when you went up the Thames with a fucking load of boats were you? It’s PAYBACK time.

And while you’re at it you may as well sort out the taps in public toilets. I am fed up of them ones where you have to press the tap to get water only to find the water has stopped by the time I get my hands under the tap. Washing one hand at a time to best this system is what has broken Britain. We didn’t beat the Hun with pressure based taps that doesn’t emit water for long enough for a sufficient lather and rinse to take place.

We’re not asking a lot, your highness, just our experience around sinks to be more satisfying.

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