Wednesday 15 August 2012

I had my headphones on the bus today and, though I couldn’t hear the conversation, it looked like the (potential) passenger was being asked to verify his concessionary/discount worthiness. I tried to think how I asked for my fare when I was a bairn/under-18 but entitled to the concessionary fare as a full-time student.

I couldn’t remember. My memory is turning into shit. My potentials were “one child’s fare please” or “one concessionary fare, please.”

I really couldn’t think what it was I used to do. It has been about 16 years since I paid the concessionary fare. And I did use a clipper card for the majority of my 11-16 age period. Yes, look impressed: unattractive, overweight teenager has no friends and attends all boys school and uses a clipper card as his method of paying for transport. I was fighting girls off with a stick. This clipper card usage is no excuse, though, I should be able to remember how I paid for transport when I wasn’t using a clipper card.

Then I remembered. Boom! Who was that who was that who said I had a bad memory? No, really – who was it? I can’t remember. That was a joke. It wasn’t very good. The best thing you can do when you aren’t able to be properly funny is to be shitly banal with your jokes. Then you admit that it wasn’t funny and have a go at yourself for not being funny. It is the form of comedy I most associate with the female comedy duo Mel & Sue, specifically during their time presenting Channel 4’s Light Lunch.

You say the fare don’t you? That’s how you used to ask for the concessionary fare. You used to say, “45p please.” I’m just trying to sound young there. When I first asked for a bus fare it was 10p. TEN. I don’t even know what the concessionary fare is now. It seemed to go up at such a rate that I can only imagine that it is about £4 now despite an ‘expensive’ adult fare being about £2.70. No wonder they fucking riot up the towns.

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