Tuesday 14 August 2012

“What the fuck is that overweight kids with Downs Syndrome running on his own for?”
“Why has Mike Gatting put weight on and decided to run really slowly around South Manchester?”
“I don’t care if he lives or dies but that thing looks a bit too red of face to be moving.”
“I’m glad I haven’t just eaten because seeing THAT in shorts and t-shirt jogging would make me want to sick my fucking insides up.”

I can’t guarantee that anyone thinks any of these things when they look at me as they drive past. But I think we both know at least four of the above HAVE been thought.

It’s easy to blame the heady cocktail of extreme self-loathing and rampant paranoia for the thoughts that run through one’s head. When I am running through Fallowfield and a car goes past and I see someone briefly make eye contact with me and they are laughing a sane person would just assume this is just a co-incidence. They’re listening to Scott Mills on their car stereo and he’s just said something hilarious; Or, he’s just played the same clip of dialogue from TV show that was on last night for the 45th time in an hour, THAT’S why they are laughing.

No, they are laughing because one of them has just said, “that fat person running is comical because he is not physiologically perfect. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Benodryl Cummerbund

Benedict Cumberbatch is apparently pissed off with posh bashing. I don’t think it’s on to mock people for things that are out of their control. And I would be such a fucking beautiful human being if I behaved like I think people should behave. Seriously, I would be like  70% of Tony Benn. Maybe 60%. Ok, 50%. 50% of Tony Benn is still a pretty amazing human being though; it’s like 10,000,000% of David Cameron. Anyway, I am not the person I think people should be. I mock some groups of people who can’t help the way they are, this includes occasionally labelling “posh bastards” as posh bastards and blaming them for most socio-economic problems. Nobody’s perfect.

I think it’s a bit rich (ha!) to complain about being posh-bashed. Yes posh-bashing is unsophisticated, ill-educated and other things one would be guaranteed to possess had one attended Eton. My heart also bleeds for the tax Mr Cumberbatch must pay on his income, which he has managed to earn despite the discrimination he must face as a white man who attended Eton, we know how these bastards struggle. Those who were privately educated only control almost every area of British society.

I am not sure what posh-bashing entails. Maybe I should know what it entails really. Otherwise this could all seem a bit flippant. I am pretty sure it doesn’t involve posh people being strung from trees or crucified or even pushed over in the street. It’s probably a good thing Cumberbatch goes to America rather than revolutionary France.

Seriously though, it’s not Cumberz’s fault how he was raised and mocking people for being different is wrong no matter what the difference. Theoretically all are bad – and I know people from better backgrounds than me certainly have got in a tizz about it being just as wrong for me to say stuff about them.

I’d take the privilege, the advantages, the head start with the pay off of some fucking moron (like me) calling me Lord Snooty as I was whisked past into my Rolls-Royce to the set of my latest film. And more, much more than this – it DOES matter that there are millions of people much worse off than BC. Women, minorities, poor, religions, physically disabled, mentally disabled, bakers, politicians, celebrities and librarians are all worse off then the star of film and TV BendzCumbz.

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