Wednesday 25 July 2012

Analysis of a Brief Conversation (Overheard) 

“I was at the pictures. Dark Knight.” [1]

“Oh, so you managed to get tickets? Is that even out yet?” [2]

“Yeah, it came out Friday” [3]

“Did you see it in Manchester?” [4]

[1] I like at how people still call it ‘the pictures’. I do too, I’m not suggesting it’s imbecilic – although saying I do too is perhaps suggesting that. It’s kind of quaint really. I mean it really goes back to people saying they were going to watch the moving pictures at the magic house. And when I say ‘goes back to people saying they were going to watch moving pictures at the magic house’ I mean 1987. I am still from Stalybridge. ‘Pictures’ probably pre-dates describing films as ‘the talkies’. Yet more evidence we have failed as a species. Oh, and it’s called The Dark Knight Rises.

[2] Isn’t the order of these questions the wrong way around? And that’s before we even point out how stupid they both are. Why would you ask the questions that way around? “Your baby is three months old? Did you give birth yet?” But let’s take the questions in isolation. Yes, he got tickets: that’s how you go to the cinema conventionally. Yes, it is out: it had quite a big public profile and was marketed/advertised quite a lot. Tragically, there was also a major international news story about a maniac shooting people – the reporting of this story, without fail, mentioned that security at cinemas where the film would be shown would be increased.

[3] See, he knew. And isn’t afraid of treating the other person with the respect he didn’t deserve.

[4] There may be some context for this question that doesn’t make it stupid, but I’m not prepared to offer it. Two people working in Manchester shouldn’t be asking that question.

Holy Impic

It’s not that I’m anti-Olympic. I’m not. I pro-international sporting contests of all descriptions. I think it may have been clear from some of my recent blogs, however, that I have some issues with what it has cost the country, how this will not be recouped (despite lies that it will), the hype and – most of all – the marketing and ridiculous way in which this marketing is creating a police state.

They hype is par for the course now. Everybody goes insane about anything the media tells them to without stopping to think whether they are interested or not (see: people booking to see The Dark Knight Rises, talking about how excited they were about it for a week and then sit with their fucking phone out texting/tweeting/being a cunt throughout the fucking film). Generally, though I am annoyed by ‘hype’ about stuff, especially sporting stuff, as it clouds my actual excitement, it does have a positive feeling to it. I prefer positivity to negativity – from people in general, not from myself natch.

But the fucking forcing it down my fucking throat as though I am fucking interested (didn’t we just establish that I am? STOP USING LOGIC AND JUST READ…). People were patting The Guardian on the back on Twitter today. Their homepage, which does have a big Olympics tab on it, offers the option to hide this tab. Oh, aren’t you fucking brilliant The Guardian? By offering us this choice, The Guardian, you are simultaneously offering people not interested in the Olympics to not see the stories while still pushing the stories as though they are the cure for cancer to those who can’t be arsed hiding them. OR…THE BASTARDING PEOPLE WHO PAY FOR YOUR iPHONE APP AND HAVE BEEN FORCED TO HAVE AN OLYMPICS TAB ON THEIR HOMEPAGE. As you can see it has the top of the medals table, which has been particularly helpful for the last few days and will be for the next few days before any medals are awarded.

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