Tuesday 24 July 2012

In to View

After years where I have been the interviewee in the ‘Interview’ process, today I became ‘The INTERVIEWER’. That makes it sound like a long hard slog has finally come to mean something. My interviews total:

  • One at Morrisons when I was about 15. They didn’t offer me a job. I got turned down from a position of shelf-stacker as a teenage boy. You know how when you’re in a supermarket and you ask someone for help and their arms falls off when they point  (incorrectly, almost totally in the wrong direction) to where the peas are – and you’ve asked where the frozen pies are anyway – because they are so poor at existing? Well that person did something I cannot do – get a weekend job at a supermarket. It’s not what you need for your self-esteem when you are ugly, overweight and…well isn’t that enough?
  • I can’t even include the Woolworths application because I didn’t get any further than the group test. We did lots of basic math. I can do basic math (A* at GCSE much?) But I didn’t get called back for the interview. A lad who I went to college with did; his main thing was getting an erection and rubbing it through his jeans.
  • Getting the job where I work now and five or six successful interview in the XX years I have been there. And 4 failed ones. Maybe three.
  • One interview outside where I work now – about ½ × XX years ago – when I did try to get a job somewhere else, rather than just talk about it. The feedback at this one was pathetic. The woman claimed I was the best candidate but didn’t sell myself at the interview. I think maybe I believed her at the time.

So, my life has hardly been a slog. And even if it had, where I am – and that it means I am not in a position to interview people – doesn’t mean anything (i.e. does not mean something – it’s callback to when I said “That makes it sound like a long hard slog has finally come to mean something” earlier in the blog.

It would be wrong to say I got a power trip out of it. I didn’t, that’s why it would be wrong. I am so fucking earnest at times. Take this for example: I am in the process of changing banks, from the HSBC to The Co-Op on moral grounds. And maybe you’re thinking ‘that’s ok, HSBC were recently outed as the bank of choice for Mexican militia and drug-runners¹&². But, annoyingly, I was in the process of doing it anyway³. Moral banking indeed.

Moral banking. What a twat.

¹On the off chance that a multinational banking conglomerate is litigious I would like to say that this remark is only meant to suggest that HSBC is under investigation (and likely to be guilty) of laundering the money of Mexican terrorists.
²I’m not suggesting anything sinister but when you google ‘HSBC’ the news stories are not at the top of the search like you might expect, they are hidden away at the bottom of the page. In fact, if you google ‘HSBC Mexico’ the suggested searches are…well nothing beyond that…not even ‘HSBC Mexico terrible bastards’. Although, being fair, the news stories relating to money-laundering (for terrorists) that HSBC did do does appear higher on the results page – after HSBC’s Mexico page.
³Finally got to a position where I wasn’t overdrawn and had no money on credit cards with HSBC. Look at me Ma: I’m on top of the world.

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