Monday 16 July 2012

The Olympics is already quite annoying and it doesn’t start for a couple of weeks.

Today I read that there would be AN ARMY of BRAND POLICE stalking the streets of Britain for the duration of the enforced festival of sport. I like how ridiculously Orwellian this so-called celebration is becoming. So much for the injection of money into the British economy; anyone even trying to use the Olympics as a boost to their business will have a Harrier Jump Jet flown directly into their premises, exploding on impact, killing everyone in a 1.5 mile radius – except those dressed in Adidas or eating at McDonalds (drinking Coke alone is not a guarantee of survival; though drinking Pepsi is a guarantee of death, such are the complexities of Olympio-Cola licensing laws).

Olympics organisers have warned businesses that during London 2012 their advertising should not include a list of banned words, including “gold”, “silver” and “bronze”, “summer”, “sponsors” and “London”.

Which is a bit of a pain in the arse if you’re a jeweller, travel agent or are in London – which I believe around 100% of businesses in London are. How can they ban these words? SPONSORS? Banning the word sponsors is all getting a bit meta isn’t it? And how long does the Olympic Terrorist Unit hold the rights to waterboard anyone using the word London? Arenas where the Olympics have been held can’t be used for other stuff for a certain period to protect how Olympic things were there. Does that mean people won’t be able to use London on signs until December? People who seek the same benefits for free – by engaging in ambush marketing or producing counterfeit goods – are effectively depriving the Games of revenue.” AMBUSH MARKETING? What about having an existing business in London the McDonalds Coca-Cola Adidas Olympic Host City 2012 that has been there years and being forced to change your name and not be allowed to use the word silver to describe the waitress service?

At the 40 Olympics venues, 800 retailers have been banned from serving chips to avoid infringing fast-food rights secured by McDonald’s.

Now I’m a big fan of McDonalds – but this is a ridiculous thing. Apart from anything else they do french fries, not chips. But to ban everyone else from chip making…this is mental.

Some £1.4bn of the Games’ £11.4bn budget comes from private sector sponsors….. 11 global partners, including Coca-Cola, Visa and Proctor & Gamble, are contributing £700m while £700m comes from London 2012 partners, including Adidas, BT, EDF, and Lloyds TSB.

That still leaves a lot of money. It’s okay though, there is no way that money has come from British Government monies or London Council’s budgets which are funded by tax and VAT and all that shit from local businesses that had the audacity to use the word summer and exist in London BEFORE the Olympics. Who are these twats thinking they could exist before the Olympics? Running around using words like sponsor and bronze. Bastards.

Annoyingly I can’t even make a principled stand as I love Coke, McDonalds and Adidas. And sports, I will watch loads of it. I definitely wont open a Lloyds TSB account though. In your face Olympics.

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